


I will fill your Days with Life (Translation)

by DotDWizard



Category: Amar a Muerte (TV), Juliantina - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Fate, Friendship, LGBT, Love, Real Life, Strength, Terminal Illnesses, Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:55:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 46,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27282286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DotDWizard/pseuds/DotDWizard
Summary: What happens when someone teaches you that the future and the past do not exist?That only the present matters.Life can change from one moment to the next, and our plans become obsolete.In the right place, at the right time, fate brought together two lost souls to teach each other the importance of living in the present.Fear, tears, laughter, adventure, love, struggle and above all... strength.__________________________I want to clarify that this story is not mine, the original story is from the author @JackieValandThis is my translation of the adaption by @achagasmile all credits to both talented writers.
Relationships: Valentina Carvajal & Juliana Valdés, Valentina Carvajal/Juliana Valdés
Comments: 55
Kudos: 156





	1. 01. Tired of taking steps backward

**Author's Note:**

> I came across this story on Wattpad and loved it so thought I would share it in English. (With permission!)
> 
> It is very different from my other translation 'When Where and How to Love.'
> 
> Enjoy! 😘
> 
> Dot xx

I watch through the window as the landscape moves at full speed before my eyes. The Trans-Siberian train covers many miles each hour, the last city has been left in the dust as we approach the next. That is the purpose of this trip, to visit cities and towns that do not even appear on the map across seven time zones, between Moscow and Vladivostok, on the 5,772-mile train track.

And here I am, in this lonesome little dining carriage, where I like to spend my days drinking coffee, the peace and tranquillity beneficial for my creative process. I sit staring at the blank page on my laptop waiting for inspiration to strike before writing a word of what will be my next book.

But so far, that has not happened. In the three days that I have been traveling aboard this train, I have not been able to do anything other than observe the landscapes that have changed from sea-like lakes to dense birch forests. As beautiful as it is, I have become increasingly frustrated, what was going to be my great adventure, is turning out to be a complete failure. I have not thought of a word, a phrase, or even one miserable idea of what I might write about.

I came to the Trans-Siberian with the hope of hearing the many stories of its passengers and maybe gain some insight from them. But in my well thought out plan, it did not occur to me that on a train that crossed the entire Asian continent, nobody would speak Spanish. And of course, I do not speak Russian. So, communication has been an issue, I have managed to get by with the little English I know.

_'A writer must write to live.'_

Until now that phrase has been my life motto. But right now, the doubt is overwhelming, I am starting to think that this trip will not provide the answers I was looking for. Maybe at the next stop I will return to Moscow and take a flight back to Mexico. Or maybe I will travel to Europe and find some interesting stories. I only know that I have no fixed destination or permanent stop, I will go where life takes me as always, there is nothing and no one to return to. Not even the lack of money has been an issue. I am not a millionaire by any means, but I enjoy travelling and this has become my way of life. As long as I have my laptop, a small suitcase and some money, I will continue to travel in the hope that something will inspire me to write an incredible story.

My thoughts are interrupted, by the noise of someone entering what, until now, had been my favourite carriage, daring to disrupt my concentration and unwavering dedication to my next 'best-seller'.

I direct my gaze to the intruder who does not acknowledge my presence. To my surprise it is a young woman, she sits at my table directly in front of me, completely ignoring that I am there.

She turns towards the window and observes the landscape as I had minutes before. She seems focused, like she is concentrating on the earth speeding past at hundreds of miles per hour. The woman does not appear to have noticed me, which is really infuriating. We are only separated by the table where my laptop rests. So, it is impossible that she has not noticed that there is someone else sitting right in front of her. How can someone have such bad manners?

After a few minutes I realise that I have not taken my eyes off her since she sat down. I have been so absorbed in my angry inner monologue, that I feel like I have been spellbound staring at her.

Okay Juliana, this Asian trip is turning out worse than you thought. If you do not look away now and continue your task, of doing nothing, on your computer, that girl will think you are a psycho. Well, if she realises that you exist, of course.

She is beautiful, I muse, ignoring my conscience. I can only see her profile, but she is a very pretty girl. Her long, slightly wavy, light brown hair falls on her thin shoulders. I like that colour, it looks completely natural. The clarity gives it a dazzling shine, making it eye-catching and full of vitality. From my position I cannot see the colour of her eyes, but I can see that they are not too big. Her nose is fine, like her lips, perfectly defined. And her skin... Her skin is pale, like the snowflakes falling outside the train window. Her skin gives off an aura of life that fills the room, I imagine it must be extremely soft to touch.

Soft? But what the hell does that mean? Why would I want to know what her skin feels like? And since when did I develop the habit of appraising a woman I don't even know? Or any woman. WOW! I have spent too many days alone, clearly it has not been good for me. I must be very bored!

Again, and this time I am relieved, someone interrupts my strange thoughts, entering my 'now not so lonely' carriage.

The waiter turns to the woman and they exchange a few words. I watch the scene in complete silence. I see how he writes down her request on a small piece of paper, but I am unable to hear a word. I feel like someone has lowered the volume on the TV and I can only see the picture playing before me. The boy exits the carriage, leaving us alone again. 

When I finally come out of my trance and decide to return to my writing, her gaze locks with mine, making my body tremble. Instantly, a tension invades each and every one of my organs, I feel like a little girl who has just been caught red-handed. I was discovered and yet I cannot take my eyes off those expressive blue eyes. Now I can fully appreciate them, they are intense and bright, like the sea, they seem to hold some hypnotic power over on me.

Minutes passed, or maybe it was just seconds. I couldn't say for sure, my perception of time seemed to be distorted. Our gazes remained riveted on each other, with no intention of moving away. Although for my part, it seemed impossible to do so.

Until, the woman in front me ended the uncomfortable silence, her lips produced the most beautiful smile I have ever seen in my life.

\- "Hola." - she whispered.

Her voice was infinitely sweeter than I imagined.

\- "Hello." I replied, thanking God for not letting me appear as dumbstruck as I felt.  
  



	2. 02. Always Planning for Tomorrow

The moment she looked at me with that smile, my heart began to race, and my stomach fluttered with the most absurd nervousness. Noticing my vocabulary had ended with that simple 'Hello', her gaze returned to the window, concentrating on the landscape, and forgetting my presence once more.

When I managed to shake off that strange trance for a few seconds, I realised I had overlooked something and for the first time since she sat down my brain started to work and my lips remembered how to form words.

\- "Do you speak Spanish?" - I asked awkwardly.

Bravo Juliana! Your processing skills are intact.

After a few seconds that seemed eternal, she turned to look at me with that sweet smile, which produced exactly the same reaction throughout my body.

\- "I live in Mexico," - she answered maintaining eye contact.

I don't know why she makes me so nervous. How is this possible? I don't know her, I have literally only spoken a few words to her. I'm not sure if it's her gaze, so intense yet tender at the same time, or the way she smiles at me, full of sweetness and life. This girl oozes life from each of her pores and is capable of infecting you just by looking at her.

\- "I was beginning to lose hope of finding someone who spoke my language on this train." - I smiled trying to break the ice - "But I didn't expect to find someone who was also from Mexico."

She did not look away. Nor did she seem surprised to discover that we were from the same place. On the contrary, she maintained the eye contact which seemed too long for the situation. The intensity in her expression increased and with it, she added a hint of mystery that did not help my nerves at all.

\- "Well, hope is the last thing you lose..." - she concluded, extending her hand. - "I'm Valentina."

I mimicked the gesture to shake her hand. As soon as we made contact, I felt something very strange. A kind of internal tingling that rose from my stomach to my chest. My heartrate increased as I experienced an unfamiliar sensation. For a moment, I thought I was going to be speechless again, but thankfully I was able to respond.

\- "Juliana."

We remained in that position for a few seconds, holding hands and staring at each other, as if we sensed something in each other. It wasn't uncomfortable, on the contrary, I was beginning to feel a sense of familiarity that I had never felt with anyone before. Strangely enough, I would have spent hours staring into those eyes that seem to attract me in some magnetic way.

But sadly, we were interrupted by the waiter once again, who delivered a cup of steaming hot coffee to my new companion. The smell permeated the tiny space and reminded me that my own forgotten coffee was untouched and probably quite icy at this point.

\- "Did you urgently need to find someone who spoke Spanish?" - she asked, snapping me out of my thoughts about... coffee.

\- "No, it's not that I needed it, but I've been talking to my own reflection for three days. And sooner or later, I think I was about to lose what little sanity I have left."

I lowered my gaze timidly as I realised my sad reality. And when I raised it again, her smile had greatly expanded, making me blush, much to my embarrassment.

\- "I know what you mean." - she admitted - "I have also spent three days in which the only words I speak are; 'Coffee', 'Thank you' and very little else. We weren't too smart deciding to take a train trip through Asia!"

\- "No, definitely not, intelligence has been lacking lately."

Valentina sipped her coffee while staring at me. It is ridiculous that I feel intimidated, I should be causing that feeling in her. I am Juliana Valdés, the cold and mysterious girl with brown eyes and an intimidating look.

\- "So, if it was not your intelligence, then what was it that made you practically cross the world to be here, in the right place at the right moment, in front of me?"

The direct and mysterious way in which she expressed her curiosity made me uneasy. Looking at her serious expression I couldn't help but fix my gaze on her eyes. She continued to challenge me with a raised eyebrow and didn't back down. Truthfully, the air of arrogance she gives off, really intrigues me. So, after a sigh, I decide to satisfy her curiosity.

\- "Do you want the short version? Or the long one?"

\- "I think we have time for the long one," - she clarified as she took another sip of her coffee. 

I smiled. This was very strange.

\- "I'm a writer. Or well, lately I'm trying to be."

Suddenly her eyes widened, as if she had been really surprised. Do I not look little like a writer?

\- "Wow... So, a writer..." - she repeated apparently impressed. - "And do you have writer's block or something?"

\- "No... That's the strange thing. I have written many stories in the last year but none have left me completely fulfilled. They are typical love stories, but without a special ingredient. Without that pinch of magic that I think any book should carry." - I direct my gaze towards the window, hoping to find something in the landscape, to help me explain myself. - "I'm looking for something else. Something different. A story that manages to move me and touch my heart directly, with an important message that makes the world rethink our way of life. Maybe it seems stupid to you," - I said, returning my gaze to her, exhaling a sigh as soon as my eyes found her. - "In short, I am here to find my way and redirect my future, because lately I feel somewhat lost."

She had not taken her eyes off me during the explanation and was surprisingly attentive to my words. 

\- "And what exactly was it that brought you to the Trans-Siberian? I mean... There are many countries in the world, with many people who have thousands of stories to tell... How did you end up on this train?"

\- "I didn't even know there was a train that crossed the entire Asian continent, until I read 'Aleph' by Paulo Coelho. So, it was as if something prompted me to do it. I had been saving money for a long time to organise this 'enlightening' trip. This is how I live now, I save until I have enough money to take trips, big or small, it doesn't matter. And without further ado, I embark on an adventure. When I read Aleph, something told me that perhaps on this train, where thousands of people get on and off every day, or perhaps in one of the cities where it stops, I would find what I was looking for. But as you can see, my intuition must have vanished along with my intelligence!" - I finished with a smile.

Without responding or making any kind of gesture, she returned her gaze to the window, becoming thoughtful again. I watched her bite her lower lip and couldn't help but wonder what was going through her head. In another situation, I would have ended the conversation. Truthfully, in another situation I would not have given a stranger these lengthy explanations. But in this situation, with this girl, something urged me to continue.

\- "And you?" - I asked to get her attention - "What was it that brought you to the Trans-Siberian?"

\- "I also read Aleph," - she replied, looking at me again.

My surprise had to be obvious, her serious and thoughtful expression was quickly replaced by that smile that managed to cause flutters throughout my body.

\- "Will you also tell me that you are a failed writer in search of her future too?"

\- "I don't believe that you're a failure," - she clarified, smiling with complicity. - "And no... I am not a writer, nor am I looking for my future... In fact, I have no future."

She has no future? What person has no future? This girl is an enigma, everything she tells me I need to decipher. She intrigues me more every second.

\- "I don't understand, what you mean?"

For the first time, I felt her avoid my gaze, as if my question had made her uncomfortable, she seemed unsure of how to respond. She looked out the window, stretching the silence for a few seconds, while I anxiously awaited clarification.

\- "I'm going to die, Juliana."

And there it was. The clarification that left me even more confused. When she uttered that phrase, I felt an aching pang in my heart. I froze, I could not articulate a word or make any movement.

Some long seconds passed, in which silence had taken over the situation. Then she returned her gaze to mine and I quickly searched her eyes for any indication that she was joking. But there was no trace of a joke, or concern... nothing. Simply, peace of mind. A tranquillity that clashed directly with my state of unease and discomfort. She must have noticed it in the back of my eyes or the shock on my face because she decided to continue speaking.

\- "I was diagnosed with a tumour a few weeks ago."

I'm not sure I want to keep listening. This gets is getting worse by the minute.

\- "I... I... I don't know what to say," - I stammered awkwardly.

\- "People often tell me that they are sorry," - she said with a slight smile, in what I believed was an attempt to reassure me - "But please, I ask you not to feel sorry for me."

\- "But... is it terminal? I mean, nowadays there are... are there no treatments that could cure you?"

She shook her head slightly. Something so simple, yet it stuck like a dagger in my stomach. This must be what it feels like when all hope is lost.

\- "The disease is already too advanced. Even if I go through chemo and radiation treatments, there would only be a 5% chance that I would recover."

I felt some hope again.

\- "But 5% is a possibility, Valentina. Are you not even going to try? Are you giving up?"

She smiled. Her smile confused me even more. What was funny about all this? Why the hell is she smiling at me?

\- "Do you see a defeated person when you look into my eyes?" - she asked with all the tranquillity of the world.

Definitely not, her eyes expressed everything except giving up. That girl had more life in her gaze than anyone I had ever come across. Maybe that is why the news had shocked me so much, it was the last thing I could imagine.

Some long seconds passed, in which silence had taken over the situation. 

\- "I don't want to spend my last days in a hospital," - she continued clarifying before I could answer. - "The moment the doctors gave me the news, I didn't feel afraid, you know? Not even pain. The only thing I realised was that I had wasted so many years of my life."

\- "But... why?"

\- "Because I always lived for others and for my future. So much time was spent planning, to make sure I have a perfect life, a perfect job, and a perfect husband. I studied law because my father is a prestigious lawyer and my whole family believed it was best that I pursued that career. I was more than capable, I was top of my class, but it was only in the solitude of my own bedroom where I could express myself and do the things that made me truly happy; sing, compose and play music. I never felt confident enough to tell the world that music was the only thing that could fulfil me."

\- "Do you think your family would not have accepted it?"

\- "I don't know..." - she shrugged. - "Maybe, but I was raised to believe in order to have that perfect and safe life, I would need a career and a good job. I imposed that way of life on myself, knowing that I was not happy. They had to tell me that I am going to die, before I realised that life is not about simply about surviving Juliana. It is not about reaching the perfect end, when we are old, wrinkly and comfortable. Life was made to be lived, with all the intensity we are capable of, enjoying a trip full of turbulence in which you know you have done things right, even if you reach the end of it as a complete disaster. Life was made to dream and to fulfil those dreams during every sunrise in which you are lucky enough to open your eyes."

For a moment, I felt the threat of tears invading my eyes after each of her words. Over the years I have become an expert in managing these emotions, so I buried them and held on to my tears.

\- "You remind me of my teenage and rebellious self," - I confessed with a smile. - "But I still don't understand why you don't want to get treatment. You may still have time to live as you always wanted."

\- "I'm doing it right now. I am living every minute of my life as if it were the last, not thinking that it could really be the last. I do not want to spend my days in bed, surrounded by doctors and people pitying me, while my body deteriorates, and my light goes out. I want to die with the satisfaction of having done everything I always dreamed of and that nothing could stop me. Not fear, not shame, not obligations, not duty, not social impositions, not the world."

While I, who had just met her, felt an overwhelming sensation pressing against my chest, Valentina, the person affected by this awful disease, demonstrated serenity, optimism and strength that very few people would be capable of in such a situation. She had already puzzled and intrigued me, but now I was also feeling great admiration for her. Everything about her intrigued me now.

\- "What about your family? Do they agree?"

\- "The truth is that they don't know anything about my illness. Or well... they actually think I'm sick, but in the head!" - she added, laughing. - "I left my lifelong boyfriend a month before our wedding to board a train that crosses the Asian continent. If they haven't sent Special Services to look for me yet, it's a real miracle! In fact..." - she directed her gaze towards the door - "I don't rule out that at any moment a team will appear to interrupt this pleasant conversation. So, hurry up and clarify your doubts." - she looked at me again and must have noticed how confused I felt.

Every word that this girl uttered did nothing but surprise me, and despite the strange anguish that had been deposited in my stomach knowing that I was talking to someone who had only a few days to live, her body and her presence gave off something that kept me in a curious state of peace and tranquillity.

\- "You were going to get married?" - I asked suddenly, as if that was the most important thing she had just said. - "And you left him a month before the wedding?"

She nodded with a smile, as if this whole situation seemed funny, but seeing the confused expression on my face, she decided to explain, even though she had no obligation to do so.

\- "Lucho and I were that conventional couple, who have known each other since they were children. We played together, we grew up together, and before we knew it, we were already engaged, and had our future completely planned, with a wedding, children and a happy family. But despite loving him a lot, I was never in love with him and I don't think he loved me either. It was just comfortable and convenient for us to be together."

\- "But how do you know you didn't love him if you were with him for so many years?"

\- "Because for me love has to be..." - she seemed to be searching for the right words, when she stopped her eyes found mine again. - "Something that consumes me." - a chill seized my entire body - "Someone who looks at me with such intensity that... that I don't feel capable of looking at someone else, because in those eyes I have found absolutely everything I want and would be willing to lose myself in the hope that no one would ever find me. There has to be passion and sweetness at the same time... Adventure... Someone who makes me vibrate at every moment and who allows themselves to be carried away by life..." - she turned her gaze towards the landscape again, and I was thankful for the respite - "Lucho is a good man. But never, not even remotely, have I vibrated being next to him."

Despite the relief I had felt when she looked away from me, and now that the oxygen had returned to my lungs. I could not stop staring at her. I was petrified.

\- "Maybe this is what you were searching for, you can use it in your next book," - she continued speaking as she looked at me - "Crazy, terminally ill woman, leaves her fiancé just before the wedding, to immerse herself in a journey through Asia and spend her last days aboard a train."

Her smile confused me. And some of what she said really bothered me. Maybe it was the way she referred to herself, 'crazy, terminally ill', does she believe that is what I think of her? Or perhaps, that she assumed I would use her confession to write a story.

\- "You are not crazy, Valentina," - I declared seriously. - "You are the bravest person I have ever met in my life. I... admire your strength."

\- "I have it easy, Juliana. In a few weeks, or maybe days, I will be dead. I have nothing to lose, I just have to make the most of every minute of my final days, to treat it as a gift because it could be my last. In reality no one knows when they will take their last breath, but we have all become so used to surviving... we have forgotten how to live."

When I was about to answer, a loud blast from the horn indicated we were approaching our next stop, the train slowed gradually, and I forgot what I was going to say. Instead I turned my gaze to the window.

\- "Looks like we've made it to our next stop," - she said, turning her attention to me.

\- "Yeah... seems so."

\- "It's time for us to return to civilisation."

\- "Uhm... Yeah. Too bad I don't really like that idea."

\- "Oh... So, you are a lone wolf," - she stated with a playful smile.

\- "Something like that. Loneliness is my traveling companion."

\- "Poor lonely writer, who had to endure the ravings of a complete stranger for hours!" - she scoffed.

\- "Well... Like you said, your ravings may be of use to me at some point."

After my words, she narrowed her eyes in defiance, while a smile took over me.

\- "The correct answer would have been, 'Not at all, Val, it has been a real pleasure to listen to you and share the last few hours of this trip with you. Thank you for making it more enjoyable!'"

\- "Do people always tell you what you want to hear?" - I asked, this time showing my triumphant smile.

\- "Honestly? Yes!" - she answered resigned, but also smiling.

\- "Well then, I guess you've met your match!"

Our gazes remained locked for a few seconds, while we smiled at each other. There was a strange pull holding us there at that moment, without speaking, without thinking, without feeling... simply observing each other. Until she decided to break the silence.

\- "And what does my match plan to do from now on?"

I looked out the window towards the the new city and tried to find an answer, but realised I hadn't thought about it for hours, before I met her. And now I was already at the next station and had very little time to make a rational decision.

\- "I honestly don't know." - I sighed. - "Tomorrow night the train will leave again, to continue with its route. And I'm not sure I want to continue it. So maybe I will visit this city a little and go back to Moscow, from there I can continue to Europe, or go back to Mexico... Who knows?"

\- "Well, I would like to finish the route and get to Vladivostok. But the truth is that I don't know for sure either. I guess the universe will guide me. After all, it brought me here... I just have to follow the signs."

With the smile that never left her, she got up from her seat, reminding me that I also had to move if I ever wanted to get off this train.

\- "It has been a pleasure to share these last few hours with you, Juliana." - she extended her hand, as she had done hours ago when introducing herself, - "I sincerely hope you find what you are looking for."

As I took her hand this time, a different sensation took over my body, causing my heart to shrink. Reminding me it was unlikely that I would ever see those beautiful baby blue eyes, that were so full of life, ever again.

\- "I wish you luck, Valentina."

The lump in my throat prevented me from saying anything else. And what else could I say? That life goes well for you? Be happy? I hope to see you again one day? None of that made any sense. And the way she looked at me, along with the touch of her hand still attached to mine, clouded any kind of thought. 

\- "May I give you some advice?" - she asked.

I was surprised, but nodded immediately. 

\- "Never give up, Juliana. Fight for your dreams, write that book with passion, follow the signs... And don't worry about the path, just live... Live intensely, and I am sure that you will soon find what you long for."

\- "I will." - I responded more convinced than I had expected. As if it were a promise, like something inside me owed it to her.

A satisfied smile was her answer, and after a short silence, nothing uncomfortable, were words really were superfluous, she caressed my hand, causing a strong tingling inside me that left me completely paralysed. Then she finally let go and headed towards the exit.

\- "Valentina!" - I shouted quickly before losing sight of her. She turned quickly. And again, I stood there not really knowing what to say to her. - "It was... It was a pleasure meeting you."

A phrase full of originality, I know. But it was the only thing my brain could come up with at that moment. In her eyes I could see she understood exactly what I was trying to say, despite the horrible way I explained myself.

\- "Likewise, Juls." - she winked at me after the nickname. - "See you soon."

She smiled at me one last time, and finally, she was gone, leaving me with a feeling I could not remember ever feeling before. And with a single thought in my head...

'Now what?'


	3. 03. Look how beautiful life is

I have been walking for hours without a destination, the cold of Novosibirsk penetrates every garment I wear, seeping directly into my bones. I do not remember having ever experienced a cold like this before and therefore, the clothing I brought on this trip has not been appropriate for a country like Russia, this walk really is becoming unbearable.

Almost twenty-four hours have passed since I arrived in this city and in all that time, I have not managed to write a single page of my book. I can no longer bear to sit in front of my computer screen looking at the blank page, waiting for the extraordinary idea to materialise. No, now I find myself walking, in this unbearable cold, because it is too overwhelming to stay in that small hotel room procrastinating or sitting alone in a cafe with a hot coffee, although that does sound good right now.

I feel restless and nervous, my thoughts confuse me... and what are those thoughts about? That girl... Valentina. I have not been able to stop thinking about her, her history... her way of being... her strength... her gaze... I don't know what's wrong with me or why I'm like this. I admit that I know very little about her, but... it feels strange knowing that I will never see her again. Something that I cannot even begin to explain to myself.

I suppose when any human being meets someone new and discovers that the person is going to die... it hurts... right? At the very least there is a small feeling of sadness... Right? I'm not sure who I expect to answer my silly questions!

But the truth is that it does hurt... Even if I don't know her, even if I only know what she told me, although all I really know is her name and that she is ill... but there is something about her that causes me sadness. A sadness that I have never felt before.

I have always been an independent person, traveling, writing my stories, and immersing myself in a world created for my characters. I know that I am somewhat strange. I accepted it from a very early age, I have often wondered if I give too much love to the characters in my stories and in the end I have nothing to offer in the real world. I have always kept my distance from people, emotionally speaking, not only in romantic relationships but also friendship or with any person that may have the ability to hurt me.

I was twelve when I discovered that people leave your life the same way they enter, without warning. I vowed a long time ago that I would not allow anyone to hurt me again.

And this is the reason why I have become a 'Lone Wolf', as she had put it, or a freak as others have said. The reason for my ramblings is that for the first time in many years, I feel a sadness that is beyond my control, something that has nothing to do with a bad day or a block in my work, it is something I cannot solve with walking, seeing the sun or convincing myself that life is beautiful.

The truth is, at this moment, I do not believe that life is beautiful. After meeting Valentina, an amazing woman in her twenties with the most stunning smile I have ever seen and discovering that she may only have a few weeks to live. How can I believe that life is beautiful? Why does a person with such a will to live, have to leave so soon? She should have her whole life ahead of her. God! The world seems so unfair to me right now... I would like to know why it has affected me so much, why I have been thinking about her constantly for the last twenty-four hours and why this tightness in my chest will not disappear.

Tonight, the train will leave again and continue its route, but tomorrow morning I will return to Moscow. I have decided to go wherever the wind takes me... or like she said, I will follow the signs. Again, she appears in my thoughts. I decided there was no point in following the Trans-Siberian route, so I'm sure I will never see her again, but... will I ever stop thinking about her? Yes! Surely in a few days my meeting with Valentina will be nothing more than an anecdote and I will be able to continue my journey. After all, she is just a woman... just a woman...

GOD! I seriously need a hot coffee. I need to revive my neurones, thaw out and think of something else, anything else!

Ah! That could be the issue, the shock from the cold when I stepped off the train has frozen my neurones, my last thought had been of her, so that is why it is still her. Wow! You deserve a prize for that discovery Juliana, science will be eternally grateful to you.

Coffee, coffee, coffee!!

\- "Juliana?" - I hear a voice calling me from behind, pulling me out of my inner musings.

In reflex I turn around and find those beautiful blue eyes, gazing at me attentively, making my heart race at full speed while my body experiences an infinite number of sensations in just one second. _'Ok Juliana... this is no longer normal!'_ I tell myself as her eyes are still strangely locked on mine, making me lose track of time.

\- "Valentina?"

\- "For a second I thought you had forgotten my name." - she responds with that little smile that... yes, I had honestly missed.

\- "Sorry... my neurones are frozen and my brain seems to be processing information a bit slower than normal!" - _'Oh wow... the frozen neurone theory does not sound as interesting as it did in your head. Great!'_

\- "In that case, I have the perfect remedy," - she offered me the container in her hand. - "A delicious hot coffee that will help thaw them."

I spent a few seconds looking at her as I felt the heat of the container warm my bare hands.

\- "Are you an angel?"

\- "Not yet..." - she answered smiling, - "But don't worry, I'll watch out for you baby."

As I listened to her speak, I took a sip of the coffee, I could feel it warm my whole body from the inside, noticing how I began to thaw little by little. And as she had said, it was delicious.

\- "Thank you..."

\- "I think you'll get pneumonia if you keep walking around with such meagre clothing," - she said, looking at my outfit.

\- "Uhm, I know... I really didn't plan on walking this far. I started walking and just kept going until you stopped me..."

I noticed how her eyes became smaller, she seemed to be searching for something in the depths of my gaze.

\- "That means you had a lot to think about."

\- "Possibly," - I replied with a shy smile wanting to quickly change the subject - "I didn't think I would ever see you again."

\- "Well... I don't believe in coincidences so I'm pretty sure that the universe sent me here to rescue you from hypothermia."

\- "Well then, I'll have to thank the universe," - I said more flirtatiously than intended - "I am glad to see you though."

I don't know how or why, but the truth is I was very happy to see her, even more than I imagined. Right now, standing in the middle of the street with her gaze fixed on mine, is the only moment in the last twenty-four hours in which I feel calm, serene, and at peace. The restlessness of moments ago has completely disappeared, as if her presence was what I needed to calm my anxiety.

At the same time, I am curious to know why she always looks at me in that way, why do we spend so much time staring at each other, as if time stops around us. I would love to know what she is thinking about when she looks at me like that.

\- "What are you thinking about?" - she asks suddenly, making me believe she can read my mind. I try to find an answer as quickly as possible, so this silly nervousness that is beginning to appear again is not noticed.

\- "I think I just drank your coffee and should invite you to another."

It was definitely a poor excuse to spend more time with her. To my surprise, she crossed her arms and frowned.

\- "You have no obligation to me."

The sudden angry face not only surprised me, but she looked so adorable that I couldn't help the uncontrollable smile that crossed my lips at this strange situation.

\- "What are you laughing at?" - she asked, looking even angrier.

\- "I'm sorry... I didn't know you were so temperamental."

Her eyes widened, followed by her mouth, both expressing a noticeable face of astonishment.

\- "Did you just accuse me of being temperamental?"

\- "I only invited you to a simple coffee."

\- "It's not because you invited me to coffee Juliana, it's because you think you have an obligation to do it because I gave you mine and not because you really want to do it! You do not owe me anything," - she sentenced.

This time I was the one who opened my eyes wide after hearing her outrageous deduction from my simple invitation.

\- "Has anyone ever told you that you are a little complicated?"

\- "No... and in less than two minutes you have called me temperamental and complicated!"

\- "Okay... I think we better leave it..." - I gave up, I had no desire to continue 'arguing' with her - "It was a silly excuse and you seem like you're not in a very good mood so... have a good day Valentina."

When I was about to walk away and leave her standing in the street, I realised that she had a smile drawn on her face, similar to the one I had expressed just minutes before, a smile of amusement, mischief, or triumph...

\- "And now what are you smiling at?" - I ask confused and starting to get angry.

\- "Who's the temperamental one now?" - she says smiling while biting her lower lip.

I stare at her with my eyes almost closed and my brow furrowed, completely bewildered by this strange girl in front of me with no idea what she was up to.

\- "Oh come on, I just wanted you to acknowledge that it was a poor excuse to buy me a coffee since you clearly didn't want to tell me what you were really thinking."

My eyes widened and a wry smile escaped my lips as I tried to hide the blush that her accurate deduction had caused.

\- "Are you always so direct?"

\- "Well... it's not like I have a lot of time to beat around the bush," - she said with a shrug. - "Besides... I enjoy watching you blush."

Again, I smiled wryly, trying to avoid her gaze.

\- "This is very strange..."

She smiled, apparently satisfied with her clear victory over my nervousness and without saying anymore, she grabbed my hand and led me towards a coffee shop that was just a few metres away.

In the short journey I recognised that we were in the centre of the city, there were hundreds of tourists milling around and snapping photographs of the various monuments. Some were probably Trans-Siberian travellers like us, making the most of the short stop.

It took me a moment to realise that my hotel is quite far from this part of the city, I honestly have no idea how I managed to walk this far enduring the cold. Although at this moment I could only feel the heat of Valentina's hand as she guided me towards the café.

When we entered the coffee shop, we were greeted by the sudden change in temperature. Valentina immediately began to remove her large coat as she walked to a small table by the window. She quickly looked to me for approval of her chosen table, and after an affirmative nod, we sat down.

This situation reminded me a lot of the day before, when I saw her for the first time. Sitting across from one another, separated by a table, and looking through a window. Although this time, the view was very different. Instead of watching the world go by at high speed, we observed how people walked around a busy square, taking photographs, and holding hot drinks to try and escape the cold.

My attention returned to the café when a girl deposited two cappuccinos in front of us, I looked to Valentina in surprise as I did not remember ordering anything.

\- "I decided to order for us, I didn't want to interrupt... you seemed very focused," - Valentina clarified, noticing my confusion. - "If you don't like cappuccino, I can order something else."

\- "No, I'm fine with this, thank you."

I took a sip of the frothy coffee while feeling her gaze still riveted on me.

\- "Are you always so pensive?" - she asked, looking at me.

\- "I am often absent, but it doesn't necessarily mean that I am thinking about something. Sometimes I just... enjoy the silence. But you cannot complain, I think I talked too much yesterday, which isn't usually something I do with strangers."

\- "Yes... but before that you were in exactly the same position as you were two minutes ago. Staring out the window completely absent."

\- "And how do you know that?" - I asked, narrowing my eyes. - "You didn't even notice my existence until you had no choice."

Suddenly, her gaze began to express a slight air of mystery, accompanied by lips that were smiling slightly, increasing my curiosity.

\- "Do you think so?" - she asked amused. - "I saw you well before I sat down in front of you... but you always seemed so focused that I didn't want to interrupt you. That's why I didn't even say hello to you when I sat down."

\- "Were you watching me?" - I said completely surprised by that news.

\- "Hey, you cannot complain about that, you had your own ten minutes staring at me after I sat down."

\- "That's not true..." - I defended myself raising an eyebrow.

\- "Ok, ok..." - she raised her hands laughing, - "I'll pretend to believe you... but only if you tell me what you were thinking about just now."

\- "I wasn't thinking about anything, I was just watching people... In case you haven't noticed yet, I'm a bit strange!" - I admitted with resignation.

\- "Well, I like you."

I quickly looked up to find those eyes looking directly at me.

\- "What?" - I asked, trying to hide the nervousness she causes in me.

\- "I like the way you are... no matter how strange you say you are, you have something... I don't know, special. Being a lawyer, I have met all kinds of people, and the truth is... I have never met anyone like you."

\- "Wow... so, I really am a freak!" - I assumed smiling.

\- "And you think that's bad?"

\- "Well... I suppose it's not normal, but it's not like I can choose, right?"

\- "You can always choose, but personally I think you made the best decision. There are people who choose to be equal to the rest of the world, while their hearts scream at them that they are different... and that's... sad! Life is too beautiful to waste it wanting to be someone you are not."

Again, that phrase, 'life is beautiful!' No! It is not beautiful! I can't help but run a hand through my hair in a clear gesture of despair

\- "I don't know how you can say that life is beautiful, Valentina."

Despite her lack of expression as she stared at me, I knew she understood exactly what I was referring to. The truth is that I felt selfish saying that. What did I know about suffering? But I could not avoid it. Despite not wanting to touch on the subject of her illness, I could not listen to her say that life was beautiful, not when I had spent the last twenty-four hours cursing the universe for wanting to take her away so soon. My sullen thoughts were interrupted when I felt her hand caressing mine across the table.

Suddenly I felt a calm invading my body little by little, calming my thoughts and giving my angry heart some respite. It continued to beat rapidly, but it no longer had anything to do with anger or helplessness, now it felt good, accelerated and nervous but at peace... as if her caresses were the remedy for any anguish I might feel.

\- "What do you feel right now?" - she asked, getting me to look up and meet her gaze. - "At this very moment. Forget about everything else. What do you feel?"

\- "Peace of mind... among other things," - I replied too sincerely.

\- "Good things?" - she continued asking, without giving me a clue of where she wanted to go.

\- "Yes..."

\- "So, what is it that prevents you from seeing the good in life?"

\- "That you are going..." - my fear of saying the word prevented me from continuing - "I just don't think it's fair Valentina. Sorry... I shouldn't even be talking about this but... it's not fair, and it's definitely not beautiful."

I tried to look away, feeling vulnerable under her gaze, but she stopped me by gently cupping my face and directing me to look into her eyes. Did she know the power she had in them?

\- "I'm here Juls, you can look at me... you can touch me, right now I'm here and that's the only thing that should matter. Do not suffer for something that has not happened yet... You promised me that you would always live for now."

\- "Yes Valentina, I know I promised you, but..."

\- "But nothing," - she interrupted. - "I told you about my illness because you inspired confidence in me, not to make you feel bad. I did not appear in your life for that."

\- "Then why do you think we appeared in each other's lives?"

\- "To be aware of its beauty... not to suffer, allow yourself be surprised Juls."

I sat for a few seconds watching her, her way of speaking adding another layer of mystery.

\- "Are you trying to sound interesting?" - I asked seeing that she did not take her eyes off me.

\- "I am interesting!" - she answered, raising her eyebrows in a cocky gesture.

\- "Well, yes, I will have to agree with you there... I thought I would never find a more philosophical person than me."

\- "Well, look... now you've also found your match!" - she said, winking at me while smiling mischievously.

I spent a few seconds just looking at her, without saying anything, just admiring her and allowing myself to be infected by the optimism she radiated. I observed her joyful smile, she really did appear to be the happiest person in the world. Why couldn't I have met her earlier? Why can't I enjoy her a little longer?

\- "You are amazing, you know that right?" - I said without thinking about it, as if my thoughts had been summarised and expelled without being able to control them - "I wish we had met before or... in another place..."

\- "But if we had met in another place, then today you might have continued wandering around this city, lost in your own thoughts, and would most likely have ended up with pneumonia because I was not here to save you."

\- "And if I had not met you, I would not have gone out for a walk in the first place, nor would I have been so lost in my thoughts to lose track of time and place, and therefore, I would not have needed you to rescue me."

\- "Therefore..." - she repeated. - "The signs are perfect and life surprises you when you least expect."

\- "Do you really think that everything happens for a reason?" - I asked.

\- "I think that things happen when they have to happen and like I told you before, I don't believe in coincidences."

\- "I'm going back to Moscow tomorrow..." - feeling the pressure of her statement I changed the subject.

\- "Do you think you will find what you are looking for there?"

\- "I don't even know what I'm looking for anymore," - I smiled wryly.

\- "I am sure you will find out sooner or later... I believe in you."

Those last words made my heart, which had gradually managed to calm down, beat rapidly again. I couldn't help staring at her as I felt her caress my hand again. However, this time I didn't just allow myself to be caressed, this time I held her hand tight, while I looked at her with an intensity that I never felt for anyone before.

No one has ever told me that they believe in me before, but the way she said it, with the sincerity and transparency that she conveys, with the affection she shows despite barely knowing me. The connection and trust that I have created with this woman, who I have only met twice, seems really strange to me. I don't even recognise myself when I am with her... or perhaps, in these moments, being next to her, I really do feel like myself.

\- "I have to go back to the hotel," - she said, bringing me back to reality. - "The train leaves in a couple of hours and I still have to collect my things.

\- "Okay..." - I agreed, getting up. - "I should probably head back before it gets dark or I'll end up lost, again."

\- "Did you not leave a trail of breadcrumbs on your way?" - she asked amused.

\- "Oh... how could I forget? I'll remember that for next time!"

\- "I don't want you to push your luck... Maybe next time there won't be a beautiful woman there to rescue you with hot coffee!"

\- "What? When did that happen?" - I asked feigning confusion.

Her response was to gently push my shoulder, which drew smiles on both our faces.

We stepped out of the coffee shop into the cold air, Valentina quickly put on her coat as the unbearable chill began to seep into my bones once more. I rubbed my hands together in an attempt to warm them, but Valentina stopped my movements while taking something out of her bag. She grabbed my hands and under my attentive and curious gaze, she slowly covered them with gloves that managed to completely cut off the cold.

\- "You need them more than I do," - she stated when she saw my confused face.

\- "But..."

\- "You'll give them back to me," - she interrupted, showing me her eternal smile.

I simply nodded, aware that she was trying to convince me to accept them and I was truly grateful for the gesture, which would make the walk back more durable.

\- "Thank you for everything, Valentina."

Once again, I had to say goodbye to her, and again I struggled to find the right words. Then, as if she had read my thoughts, I felt her body press against mine as her arms slid around my neck, pulling me into a hug. A hug that produced a sudden paralysis, it took me a few seconds to react. Having her this close to me, I could feel the heat coming off her thin body as her heartbeat against my chest. The sweet fresh smell of her hair momentarily transported me to a sunny summer day.

After a few seconds, my arms responded, and I clung to her tightly. She felt so fragile and delicate in my arms, it was completely impossible for me to stop the tears from forming. I didn't exactly know why the tears appeared but there was a knot forming in my chest and it prevented me from uttering any words. I just wanted her to hug me... to help me fight this strange anguish and never stop.

I was finally able to control those unruly tears that had threatened to escape. Gradually I felt her arms loosen and her body detach from mine, her lips stopped at the level of my ear.

\- "Thanks to you, Juls..." - she whispered, having an unexpected effect on my skin. - "I hope I see you again."

Without saying any more, she placed a tender kiss on my cheek. A kiss that ended up bristling every last inch of my skin and made me feel completely stupid for having paralysed me in that way.

She looked me in the eye one last time and after a smile, she left.

Leaving me with an even heavier sensation than the day before. A sensation that I was not able to explain, but that was beginning to control every part of me, leaving my conscience and rationality, completely on the side-lines.

I made it back to the hotel. The journey had passed quickly, I walked without thinking about anything, without asking questions, without feeling the horrible cold hitting my body. I could still feel the touch of her body glued to mine and the sweet aroma of her hair; it gave me a sense of inner well-being that was difficult to explain. It was a feeling of... fullness. As if her embrace had filled in a long-standing void.

Upon entering my room, I put my bag on the bed and glanced towards my computer. Exactly where I had left it, the screen lit up with a completely blank document still open. That was the reason for this trip after all... work... my dream... the only way of life I know. There, in that small device, held everything there was to know about Juliana Valdés... trips, adventures, stories, books, loneliness, emptiness... that computer stored my past, my present and my future.

\- "My future..." - I told myself, smiling wryly.

For the first time since I entered the room, I felt the warmth from the heater. I immediately removed the gloves, hoping that would help to cool me down. When I looked at those little garments in my hands, I had the urge to bring them close to my face and inhale their scent. They smelled like her... her freshness and vitality... It was at that moment that my heart, with its accelerated beat, proclaimed;

\- "To hell with the future!"

Two hours later... I was back on board the train where I had spent my previous days. Without really knowing why, I had thrown my plane ticket to Moscow in the first bin I found. But that no longer mattered, I was here, on the Trans-Siberian, heading to the next city on the route. I made my way to my favourite carriage where I like to sit and write, my heart beating fast, eager to get there as my nerves increased with every step I took.

I did not have an explanation for my changing my mind, I did not really know what had brought me back here and I had no idea what would happen from now on... but...

My thoughts stopped when I reached the door of the carriage and saw her there, sleeping in one of the small armchairs at the table. The armchairs had been well designed, during the day they could be sat in for long periods of time without causing any discomfort and at night they could be reclined into quite a comfortable bed. It was strange to see her there though, as every passenger had their own cabin to sleep in when the train travelled at night, so the common spaces were rarely used.

I spent a few seconds watching her, appreciating how one side of her body moved up and down, indicating her slow breathing. Trying to make as little noise as possible, I entered the carriage and slowly approached her.

I lifted a blanket and gently covered her body to protect her from the cold. Her body must have noticed the change because she moved slightly and opened her eyes to discover I was kneeling in front of her.

\- "Juliana?" - she asked, murmuring, as if her exhaustion prevented her from speaking clearly. - "What are you doing here? I thought you decided to go to Moscow."

\- "Yeah, but..." - I smiled at her - "Life surprises you when you least expect..."

She nodded, smiling, and making an enormous effort to keep her eyes open.

\- "Why are you here?" - I asked worried. - "Surely the bed in your room is much more comfortable than this seat."

\- "I was waiting for you..."

My foolish heart jumped when I heard those words and we spent a few seconds staring at each other, something we had become accustomed to by now. On impulse I gently caressed her face, while her heavy eyelids gave up and closed.

\- "Rest... Valentina," - I whispered and placed a small kiss on her forehead.

 _'I feel so eager to protect you,'_ I said to myself as I watched her fall into a deep sleep. She looked as delicate as when we embraced and as innocent as a little girl. This woman, who has lived and seen things that I could not even imagine, a lawyer fighting a terminal illness, she is beautiful and strong... but in my eyes I saw a girl, a girl full of life, a girl I wanted to take care of, a girl I wanted to protect to ensure nothing bad happened to her... at this moment, something inside me was whispering to me;

**_'Look how beautiful life is... It surprises you when you least expect it!'_ **   
  



	4. 04. Don't worry about the destination

I think this was the night I slept the least in my whole life. I lost count of the time I spent looking at her after she fell asleep, observing her smile, wanting to enter her dreams to know what made her so happy, what made her remain in that state of absolute calm. Watching her sleep so peacefully, I was transported to a similar state... How was it possible for a person to transmit so many good things just by looking at her?

Well, yes, this is Valentina, a person who radiates light through each of her pores. She is beautiful... no doubt about it, any human being with two eyes can see that. But it is not just that anymore... her aura, her personality, there is something about her that for some reason has been deposited and now resides within me, something that nothing or no one has ever achieved before. Every second she burrows and clings even tighter... If this is how I feel after only knowing her for two days... What will happen tomorrow? How far will these feelings go?

\- "Has inspiration returned?" - she asked, managing to startle me.

My thoughts interrupted, I turned to look at her with a smile. I was glad to see her awake... my heart, as always, sped up its rhythm and my stomach decided to join in a joint revolution. Sometimes I wondered if my body could withstand such a fuss for a long time without causing side effects.

\- "Did you sleep well?" - I asked before she thought I had gone dumb.

\- "Yeah..." - stretching her arms and moving her neck slightly - "As well as you can sleep here. What time is it?"

I looked for a second at the clock on the computer screen, which was open next to me - "7:00 a.m."

Her eyes widened as she looked at me incredulously.

\- "Seven in the morning? How long have you been awake Juls?"

\- "I don't know." - I shrugged. - "I don't think I slept more than three hours."

\- "Three hours?! And you are awake like it was five in the evening? Was the inspiration so sudden that you couldn't wait for a decent hour to develop your idea?"

\- "If you are referring to the inspiration for my book, I inform you that it continues to be as lost as in recent days!" - I said amused, looking at her face between drowsy and astonished.

\- "So, what are you writing?" - she pointed to the pen next to the paper that I had been looking at minutes before.

\- "Oh... this... it's actually yours."

\- "Mine?"

\- "Yeah... I was bored..." - I hesitated, worried that she might be upset - "I noticed you had been writing a song and... since you were still sleeping... I continued it... sorry."

Her face remained serious for a few seconds, making me wait forever. Perhaps the boldness on my part had bothered her. I admit it wasn't right... I shouldn't have even read the page. But I couldn't help it, and as soon as I read it, the words flowed one after another, making me remember why I loved writing so much.

Without saying a single word, she rose from her seat and quickly sat down next to me, grabbing the page, while I remained uneasy.

It took her just a few seconds to read it in its entirety. When she looked me straight in the eye, my nervousness from before multiplied infinitely simply for having her this close and still not knowing her opinion.

But all those internal tremors and anxieties disappeared when her lips drew that special smile that made me melt.

\- "It's beautiful, Juls. I imagined you had talent but... this is..."

Relief immediately washed over me, my body relaxed and I was finally able to release the breath I had been holding.

\- "I just continued what you had started." - I added shyly, - "Do you really like it?"

\- "I fell asleep while writing and now when I read this... I feel like every word I wanted to convey was captured here. I love it! Why did you decide to do it?"

\- "Well... it's not finished yet! But I don't know really... I read it and... the words came by themselves. I just wanted to take advantage of a moment of inspiration to remember why I have not left this profession yet."

\- "Thank you." - she said as our gazes met once again, while grinning at each other.

\- "Don't thank me yet!" - I interrupted the moment grabbing the guitar I had by my side - "I want you to sing it for me."

Her eyes went wide at my sudden request.

\- "Where did you get that guitar from?" - she asked perplexed.

\- "Oh this?..." - I hesitated, looking away - "I borrowed it."

I watched her eyes narrow as she frowned. - "What do you mean you borrowed it?"

\- "Well... when I was on my way to the bathroom, I found it in a wagon and I took it."

\- "Did you steal a guitar?!!" - she asked completely surprised and raising her voice.

\- "Shh!!" - I hurried to cover her lips with a finger - "I didn't steal it, I just borrowed it, I also left more money than it is probably worth in its place."

\- "You're crazy!"

\- "I know... you're a bad influence!"

\- "Ah, so you steal a guitar and I'm the bad influence?" - she asked mockingly.

\- "Yes... Two days ago, I would have seen it and wanted to take it, but my conscience would not have allowed it. But today, I just saw it and thought... I want to finish the song and hear Valentina sing it... so, I left some money and took it! But I already told you that I only borrowed it, I will return it later. You said we have to live for now, right? Well that's what I'm doing... and now, I want to hear you sing!"

\- "Where did the restrained Juliana of the last few days go?"

\- "She disappeared as soon as she met you!" - I sentenced, beginning to play some chords.

I felt her gaze fixed on me, while I tried to concentrate on playing the melody, I had been imagining practically all night.

After a few seconds, she came a little closer and lifted the song sheet, then raised it so we could both read it. Her proximity increased my nervousness and I was thankful for the guitar in my arms, it served as a protective shield against the strange tension I was beginning to feel.

The moment her voice joined the melody of the guitar... the world around me disappeared. The people who passed through the corridors no longer existed and the sometimes unbearable noise of the train rumbling along the tracks could no longer be heard. Absolutely nothing was more important than her voice, as she began to interpret the song that seemed to acquire a special magic on her lips.

♬ _I'm going to get on this train,_  
 _I don't care about the destination,_  
 _I want to be myself and know that I am worthy._  
 _My heart has been so indifferent,_  
 _For lack of love._  
 _But in this carriage,_  
 _I saw in someone's gaze,_ ♬

She caressed my face gently.

♬ _their heart_. ♬

Her gesture and the contact produced an extremely nervous smile on my face, but I allowed myself to be carried away by the moment and joined her singing the chorus.

♬ _Aleph, Aleph, Aleph_  
 _Aleph, Aleph, Aleph, Aleph._ ♬

Her surprise was evident when she heard me accompany her, and she gestured for me sing the next verse alone.

♬ _I saw you and decided to ignore you,_  
 _The truth is, I am not in a position to suffer,_  
 _I decided to get off at the first station._  
 _More than twenty-four hours had passed,_  
 _and you were still on my mind._ ♬

Looking directly into her eyes, I let the magic take over and together we interpreted that last phrase... the most special... the one that perfectly defined everything that happened these days.

♬ " _But look how beautiful life is..._  
 _it surprises you when you least expect."_ ♬

I continued to play the same chords on the guitar, while our gazes remained fixed on each other.

\- "We have to finish it." - I said as I stopped playing.

\- "I didn't know you could sing."

\- "Well, I don't usually sing in front of anyone." - I shrugged. - "I'm better at writing. But you... you have a magical voice."

\- "You know this is the first time I have ever sang for someone?"

\- "Really?" - I asked surprised by her confession - "And why is that?"

\- "Like I told you when we met, my family is somewhat strict... this was not remotely important to them."

I observed how her always cheerful face held a hint of sadness or perhaps disappointment. It seemed impossible that no one had ever heard or enjoyed her beautiful voice before. Part of me felt immensely honoured to be the first and only person she had shared something so important to her.

\- "But... what about your boyfriend? Or a friend? I can't believe nobody has heard you sing."

\- "Lucho?" - she asked laughing - "The only thing I could talk to Lucho about was how many children we should have or what wonderful school we would send our fictional children to. And as for my friends, I never really had a special friend who I could share the important things in my life, like music. They didn't care about anything other than gossip, partying, or vacations."

\- "Wow... apparently our lives were not as different as we thought."

\- "Did you also have an annoying boyfriend and unbearable friends?"

\- "No!" - I denied smiling - "No annoying boyfriend and no unbearable friends."

\- "So..."

\- "I just meant that... even if you were surrounded by people, probably on more than one occasion you felt completely alone and... surely in some other part of Mexico I was feeling exactly the same."

She was looking at me curiously, as if she was trying to work something out just by looking into my eyes.

\- "Is there not even one person... someone who...?"

\- "No," - I quickly interrupted. - "My mother... died when I was twelve. Since then I have been practically alone. There have been people around me, but no one has really managed to enter my life... I guess I decided to become that 'lone wolf' that you mentioned." - I finished with a smile.

She remained attentive, looking at me seriously with those intense blue eyes that made me feel completely transparent.

\- "What did she die of?" - she asked ignoring the rest of the information - "Your mother."

I hesitated for a few seconds before giving her the answer, I didn't know if I was ready but what else could I do? Lie? Change topic? No. Valentina was not the type to give up when she wanted to know something. I had no choice but to answer.

\- "She had a brain tumour."

Suddenly, a silence formed that invaded every space of the carriage, causing a feeling of discomfort to take hold of me.

Valentina, like she could read my thoughts, gripped my hand tight, she encouraged me to look into her eyes again while I unconsciously intertwined my fingers with hers. She was trying to transmit her strength to me, letting me know she was there if I wanted to share my grief, but I had kept it locked up for so many years, and had never told anyone. I honestly never thought I would reopen it again.

\- "I didn't know..." - I explained - "she decided not to tell me and to continue our life as if nothing had happened. But one day, my grandmother came to the school to pick me up early. That afternoon she had promised to take me to an amusement park, but that didn't happen." - I remembered while my eyes moistened - "When we arrived at the hospital she was very sick... they told me what was happening and instead of crying like any ordinary twelve-year-old girl, I was angry with her, I was so angry that..." - A few tears escaped but Valentina quickly wiped them away with her thumbs - "that nothing would be the same, she died a few hours later... and I spent many years angry."

\- "Why did you come back Juls?" - she asked clearly emotional. - "Why... if you've avoided people for so many years so you would not suffer? Why... would you come back if you already know what will happen to me?"

\- "Because I don't want to make the same mistake twice Valentina... If I thought about what could happen tomorrow, I would not be here. My first impulse was to leave and get as far away from you as possible... But when I found you again, you made me believe that there was a reason you kept appearing in my life. I still have not been able to think of a single thing to write about in my book, but for some reason after our brief meeting, I couldn't stop thinking about you... I really don't know what those reasons are, but I know that if I'm here there is a reason and if I was willing to screw up my plans just to be here then there must also be a reason. I want to take this trip with you Valentina, I want us to live each day as if it were our last, I want to continue learning from you."

Again, silence invaded the carriage, she simply stared at me, without making any kind of gesture, without saying a word, making those milliseconds the longest of my entire life. I had never even considered the possibility of changing my plans for someone but I have never wanted to be next to a person so much as I do at this moment, even though I am aware they could be her last days. The simple thought of her dying created a paralysing anguish within me, and even so, I wanted to be with her until the end.

\- "Are you willing to live every second of your life to the fullest?" - she asked, breaking the silence.

\- "Yes."

\- "No matter what people say or think?"

\- "Yes.

\- "Listening to your heart at all times?"

\- "Yes."

\- "Without being afraid of anything?"

\- "Yes."

\- "Then get ready Juls!" - she said with a bright sparkle in her eyes - "Because we are going to live as we have never lived... We are going to do everything we never thought we would do... Intensely... without fear! Are you really prepared to accept this challenge?" - she asked, shaking my hand.

\- "Absolutely prepared!" - I declared sealing the deal - "When do we start?"

Her lopsided smile and the sparkle in her eyes showed that something was going through her head. - "I hope you brought your dancing clothes!" - she said with mischief in her eyes.

\- "Dancing?"

\- "Tonight, we're going to find a nightclub... and we are going to dance uncontrollably, until our legs can't support us anymore!"

\- "You're crazy!" - I said as I watched her with awe and secret admiration.

\- "Yes, and thanks to that, you're here!" - she finished, smiling confidently.


	5. 05. Sounds like a challenge

I have been in front of the mirror for almost two hours, repeatedly trying on different combinations of the few clothes that I brought.

Why do these things have to happen to me? If I had known this was going to happen, I definitely would have packed something more appropriate. I haven't brought anything suitable for a night out. Though on second thought, I don't think anything I own would be good enough to wear!

Okay, don't panic Juls. Juls? OMG! Since when do I call myself that? If Valentina has not arrived, then there is a possibility that she is having the same issue, right?

\- "Juls?!" - I hear her calling me while knocking on the door.

Perfect! Say her name and she will appear... I am seriously beginning to think she can read my mind or has some strange connection with my brain.

\- "I thought you fell asleep!" - she said, as soon as I opened the door.

\- "We have a problem!"

\- "Houston, don't panic!" - she joked when she saw my worried face.

\- "Very funny!" - I rolled my eyes. - "Come in."

I stepped away from the door to let her enter my small cabin, when I closed the door, she was standing looking at the pile of clothes on my bed. She remained in that position for a few seconds before turning to face me, her eyes moving up and down roaming over every inch of my towel covered body, and making my skin burn under her gaze.

\- "What's the problem?" - she asked once her gaze reached my eyes.

Suddenly, my body gave off suffocating heat and I realized that my face would probably be fiery red right now.

\- "Now who's sleeping, Val? A lot of clothes on the bed... Me, in a towel... Two hours I have been standing like this. What do you think is the problem?" - I asked as if it were obvious - "I have nothing to wear!"

\- "Why don't you go like that?" - Pointing to my almost naked body with a mischievous smile, that made my nervous heart beat a little harder.

My only response was a raised eyebrow, to which she responded by widening her mocking smile.

\- "Okay, okay" - she defended herself by raising her hands. - "The truth is, I have also spent the last two hours trying on everything I own and nothing convinces me either."

\- "So, what will we do? Are we not going out?"

\- "What?! Juliana, have you not learnt anything?"

I shrugged my shoulders not really knowing what she was referring to.

\- "You and I are going shopping! Right now!"

She grabbed my hand, ready to lead me towards the door.

\- "Val, Val, VAL!" - I said as soon as I could react.

\- "What?" - she asked turning around.

\- "We haven't reached the station yet!"

\- "It doesn't matter, we'll jump off the train."

The oxygen stopped reaching my brain for a moment, and the colour automatic drained from my face, which must have seemed quite funny to her because her smile widened when she saw my scared face.

\- "Are you not only crazy but also suicidal?"

\- "If you don't want me to take you out of here in that sexy towel, you'd better get dressed. I'll have a coffee and wait for you. Be quick!"

She smiled and winked with that mischief only she possessed, I blushed as she left my room, closing the door behind her.

\- "Please..." - I begged, leaning my forehead against the door, my heartbeat at an unbridled rhythm. - "I need strength so that this woman doesn't end up driving me crazy!"

Five minutes later, I was completely ready... ready for... I am not even sure what, but dressed, nonetheless.

I reached 'our' carriage and found her in the same seat as the first time I saw her, completely focused on the landscape speeding by on the other side of the window.

I allowed myself the luxury of observing her for a few seconds, taking advantage of the fact that she had not yet noticed my presence.

The truth is, every minute I spend by her side, I find her even more interesting. A seemingly formal woman, intelligent with an important profession and a lot of life experience. But if you were lucky enough to really get to know her, she was actually a crazy, funny, and mischievous girl, a girl who is not afraid of anything, who has a contagious joy. I can't help but feel incredibly lucky to have met someone like her. Nor can I help the silly smile that forms on my lips when I think about her.

\- "What are you thinking about?" - I decided to ask after a few seconds.

\- "I'm just enjoying the silence." - she smiled as she looked at me.

\- "Uh, oh... I think my quirks are getting to you!"

\- "Good, then I'll have something to blame you for when you claim it's my fault you're crazy!"

Before I could respond, the noise coming from the whistle interrupted my thoughts, and indicated we were arriving at the next station.

Before the train had stopped she jumped up quickly - "Come on!" - she said, ignoring my shocked face and grabbing my hand, pulling me towards the exit.

\- "I think you actually like the idea of jumping off a moving train!"

A furtive glance was her answer before the vehicle stopped. After a quick announcement, that we assumed due to our limited Russian and English, to remind everyone that the train would depart tomorrow for the next destination and wishing us a happy stay in Baikal, we were finally allowed to leave.

Before long, she had dragged me straight towards a shopping area, confidently striding through the town like she had been here before.

\- "How did you know where to go?" - I asked as we headed towards a store.

\- "The secret is to follow the crowd!" - she answered mockingly - "Are you really a writer who travels the world? Or did you lie to try and impress me the first day we met?"

\- "Yes, you caught me, I'm actually an NSA agent, but I found the bohemian writer story much more interesting!" - I said with a shrug.

Her laughter was heard throughout the whole store, making everyone inside turn to look at the door we had just entered through.

\- "And I wanted to go unnoticed." - I said in a low voice. While the accusing glances of customers and workers were fixed on us.

\- "Everyone relax!" - Valentina yelled - "This girl is an NSA agent, you are all safe!"

I put a hand to my forehead, totally embarrassed and completely incredulous to what she was doing.

\- "Oh, did you want to go unnoticed?" - she asked playfully.

\- "You don't know the meaning of the word 'shame' do you? Do you see how they look at us?" - we were unable to stop a laugh from escaping when we saw the contorted faces of those people. - "They don't even understand you!"

\- "Yeah, but that's the funniest part!" - she ended amused, heading into the middle of the store.

I followed her, shaking my head, and giggling inwardly. I was sure that many more surprises awaited me.

She went straight to the area where dresses were displayed and immediately lifted a very sexy and suggestive dress. No doubt it would suit her perfectly.

My surprise came when she held it under my chin and paused for a few seconds while trying to picture the provocative dress on my body.

\- "Perfect!" - she said clearly excited.

\- "Perfect for what exactly?"

\- "For you... for tonight."

My eyes widened, clearly indicating surprise.

\- "Do you not like it?" - she asked confused.

\- "It's beautiful, Valentina. But... are you aware that it is approximately five degrees out there? Have you had enough of me already and now you want me to freeze to death?"

\- "Juls... Let me explain how the world works..." - she said while taking my arm and leading me towards the changing rooms - "There are other garments we can buy, called coats, which are very useful by the way, they are often used in countries like Russia, so that normal people do not freeze to death and they still look beautiful! I know, I know..." - she continued when seeing my frown - "You don't need a dress to look beautiful, but we came in search of the perfect garment and you have it in your hands, so try it on while I take care of looking for the perfect coat and shoes!"

Without letting me respond, she pulled the small curtain that cut me off from the rest of the store and provided me with some privacy.

 _'_ _Ok, Juliana!_ _'_ \- I said to myself while undressing - _'_ _Breathe deeply and think calmly, this girl is absolutely nuts. But don't pretend that you don't like it... admit it, you love it, that's why you make that stupid face when she does something crazy. What the hell are you doing with me Valentina?_ _'_

\- "Are you ready?!" - she yelled from the other side of the curtain.

Before I could answer, the curtain of the small dressing room was thrown open, startled, I stood there feeling exposed in the dress she had chosen.

Suddenly there was an absolute silence, she simply observed me, with a look so intense I could not understand what it meant. She always managed to intimidate me, making blush as I felt her blue eyes running all over by body without any shame. There were no words in the dictionary to express the sensations her gaze caused within me.

\- "Wow... you're beautiful." - she added after a few seconds without taking her eyes off me.

In truth, she had chosen the perfect dress for me, not only because it was beautiful, but because it was absolutely my style. It was a short black dress, snug at the bust and hips with a long piece of material on one side that extended from my waist to my ankle. My long pendant with the peace symbol, seemed to be the perfect complement.

Before I realised what was happening, the curtain of the changing room closed again, but this time Valentina had joined me inside the small cubicle.

\- "What are you doing?" - I asked as evenly as possible, now extremely nervous due to her proximity and the small space we occupied.

\- "Now it's my turn," - she answered, staring at me, with our faces inches apart, making it harder for me to breathe. - "The other cubicles are busy. So, I hope you don't mind if I change in here with you."

Ok... I paused, my mind in overdrive. It is true that the changing rooms are small, but I can feel her breath colliding with mine, and although our bodies do not touch, I can perfectly feel the heat radiating from both. Is this normal? Or did she set out to kill me from heart attack? Because if that is what she wants, she's about to get it. My heart is pounding so hard in my chest right now that I am sure even she can hear it. This cannot be good for my health. Someone help me!

For a moment it seemed that my pleas were heard, due to my lack of response, she turned to face the mirror, keeping her back to me and giving me enough space for the oxygen to finally reach my brain again.

\- "Thank god." - I whispered quietly.

\- "Did you say something?" - she asked looking at me through the mirror.

\- "No," - I tried to smile. - "Just that it's hot in here."

She nodded and without giving any other response, with a quick movement, which I barely noticed, she removed her jumper, revealing the top half of her body in just her underwear. _'Oh, wow, that's all I needed!'_ \- I told myself, ironically.

I felt the need to hold my breath, I'm not sure why exactly, whether it was to control the tingling in my stomach and the uncontrolled beating of my heart or if I wanted to run out of air just to prove to myself that I was still alive, because this situation was definitely one of the strangest I had ever experienced. Anyone would think I had never seen a woman in her underwear before. I don't recall being this nervous the first time I saw a man naked, and that was just before I lost my virginity. Although, the body of a man was nothing compared to Valentina, she was so fine and delicate, but strong at the same time. A perfect back, small and exercised, pale and smooth. Firm shoulders where her wavy hair rested, all pulled to one side. Her smell, that addictive sweet smell that she emitted with each of her movements... her...

\- "Can you help me?" - she interrupted before my gaze travelled the front of her body.

\- "Y... y... yeah... sure," - I stammered accepting the garment she offered me.

She raised her arms to allow me to slide the dress over her head. From behind I watched how the garment slowly fell down her body, adapting to each curve and moulding to her as if it were made-to-measure.

That image produced sensations in my body that were impossible to explain. I was so mesmerized I did not notice the moment she unbuttoned her jeans and let them fall to the floor to give way to that spectacular silk dress. It was black and shiny, the hem reached just above her knees, exposing most of her long, beautiful legs, the most incredible legs I have ever seen.

\- "Can you zip me up?" - she asked, waking me from my silly daydream state where I seemed to have forgotten even my own language.

With my hands invaded by a strange and exaggerated tremor, I held the dress and very slowly slid the zipper up her back, observing how the dress clung to her body. Until it was perfectly placed.

My first impulse was to pull my hands away and withdraw as much as possible to catch my breath. But something prevented me and made me place my hands on her waist to bring her body closer to mine, as if she were a magnet preventing me from moving back or detaching my body from hers. I savoured the scent that emanated from her hair, while watching her through the mirror.

Her gaze was fixed on my reflection as her hands made their way to entangle with mine still gripping her waist. We both observed our reflection and despite the tremors that invaded my body and how nervous I was at that moment, I felt safe with that image, because I felt it was the most perfect image I had ever seen.

\- "Ladies please!!" - someone yelled from the other side of the curtain.

I quickly pulled away from her, realising how that scream had pulled me from the magical little world we had created, and brought us back to reality.

\- "Ladies, leave here!!" - we heard the voice again.

\- "What is wrong with this guy?" - Valentina asked looking angry.

She abruptly opened the curtain to meet the shop assistant, who continued to rant in Russian while his hands moved excessively, I think he was trying to tell us that there should not be two people in the same changing room. The man looked appalled, like we had committed some terrible sin.

\- "Maybe he had been calling us for a while and we didn't hear him?" - I suggested while the man continued to speak desperately in front of us.

\- "The Russians are crazy!" - she added completely stunned.

\- "Oh no... this is the first time we've met someone crazier than you... the apocalypse is near!"

\- "Do you also find him more handsome than me?" - she asked looking at me with a cheeky and challenging smile.

 _'_ _No! Obviously not,_ _'_ and she knew that perfectly well. She also knew that I would not rate him, especially when she looked at me with that smug mischievous smile that I tried to resist by frowning and not answering. I know she would use it against me.

With her smile of satisfaction at my silence, we realised that the shop assistant was still talking to us, perhaps he thought we understood what he was saying.

\- "Juls, get your NSA ID and make him shut up, because this man is going to have a heart attack!"

I'm not sure if it was her comment, the way she looked at the man, his confused screams or the whole situation in general, but an unavoidable laugh escaped from my mouth.

After which there was a deathly silence throughout the store. While the assistant looked at me like he was about to explode.

\- "We better get out of here... because I don't think you fixed it!"

She grabbed my hand before the man erupted in anger and we hurried out of the shop.

Between our laughter and the shouting in the background, we reached the street where the unbearable cold hit us suddenly, and we were quick to realise something... We looked each other up and down to make sure it was true, we had sprinted so fast, we hadn't even realised we were still wearing the dresses. A few seconds later, our eyes met...

\- "Run!!" - we yelled at the same time.

We made it back to the train, almost out of breath due to the incredible rush and our uncontrollable laughter. People looked at us in a very strange way, which was probably quite normal when you see two crazy women running barefoot, in short party dresses through a town in Siberia!

I don't even know why we ran instead of returning to the store. Of course, if something like this didn't happen while I was with Valentina, it would never happen. I was beginning to take that for granted.

Upon entering the train, the relief from the cold was immediate and we greatly appreciated the heating system. Amid the laughter we ended up in her cabin, escaping the accusatory stares of passengers and anyone else who crossed our path.

\- "You are a public danger!" - I said leaning against the closed door, trying to catch my breath.

Valentina had gone directly to the bed and was sitting in front of me, she looked at me for a moment, with a strange smile that I noticed was lacking in strength, like something was happening and she was trying to hide it.

The laughter completely disappeared and I slowly approached her, she was now staring at the ground with one hand in her hair clutching her head.

\- "Are you okay?" - I asked kneeling in front of her.

The absence of a response made me worry, I could see her free hand was placed on the edge of the bed, the veins protruding like she was clinging to the quilt with all her strength.

\- "Hey, Val!" - I gently cupped her face and forced her to look at me. - "What's wrong?"

At last she opened her eyes meeting my extremely worried gaze.

\- "Don't worry..." - she said with a smile, trying to calm me down.

\- "What happened? What's wrong?"

\- "It was just a headache Juls... It usually happens to me when I make more effort than normal. But stay calm, it only lasts a few minutes."

\- "We should go to the doctor, you don't look good."

\- "It's over now."

\- "No, Valentina, I insist, let's go to the doctor, it will only take a moment."

\- "Juliana, why would I go to the doctor if I already know what's happening?"

At that moment, something in my chest hurt so much that I couldn't avoid lowering my head, while trying to escape her gaze.

After a few seconds of silence, I felt her hands on my cheeks, directing my face towards her eyes.

\- "It's over... Ok? Don't worry."

\- "How do you expect me not to worry?" - I asked removing her hands from my face and holding tightly to them. A helplessness and despair slowed my heartbeat and left me completely devastated. But her usual smile returned, and my heart began to beat as normal, easing the sudden crushing feeling I had suffered moments before.

\- "We should get ready," - she added after a few seconds in which our gazes had locked onto each other.

\- "Maybe you should rest?"

\- "Juliana Valdés. When will you understand that I do not want to rest?"

\- "You are the most stubborn person I have ever met in my life, you know that right?"

\- "Probably... but that won't stop you from loving me." - she sentenced with a smirk.

\- "Oh?!" - I exclaimed pretending surprise - "So you take it for granted that I already love you?"

\- "Come on... If you didn't love me a little, even if it's only minimal affection, you would have already sent me to hell with all my craziness, wouldn't you?"

Without the slightest intention of responding, I got up from the floor before my knees went numb and gave her a loud kiss on the forehead, accompanied by a mysterious smile.

\- "Now you are feeling better, I should probably go and get ready if we want to get out of here today," - I finished heading towards the door.

\- "I'm going to soften your hard heart, Juls!" - she said smiling before I left - "You have no escape!"

I looked at her one last time, rolling my eyes. And with a smug smile equal to hers, I finally left the room.

At some point on the way to my room, that smug smile had turned into a goofy smile while remembering what happened today and her last words.

Do I love her? How far have my feelings grown in these last few days? I definitely have special fondness for her, it's a fondness I have not felt for anyone in thirteen years. But the strangest thing about it, is that I felt it from the first second I saw her, it increased in our first conversation and grows every moment I spend with her.

I know it is strange. My 'hard heart' as she called it, has never considered anyone until now. Maybe she's right, if I didn't feel this fondness for her, I wouldn't follow all her madness and above all, I wouldn't feel so happy doing it.

But... do I love her? Are a few days long enough to love someone?

And above all... does she love me?

With so many thoughts and questions running through my mind, I returned to my cabin. It took me an hour to get ready, after running barefoot through the streets of this town, I had to bathe again, reapply my makeup and put on that spectacular dress, which now looked much better. Although once in front of the mirror, fully prepared, I realised we'd overlooked something else.

Once more I headed to her cabin and after knocking a few times, the door opened, leaving me paralysed with the image that appeared in front of me.

I gulped, trying to buy some time until my brain remembered how to speak.

It was not the first time I saw her in that dress, it had only been two hours since I watched her try it on through that mirror. And if I thought she was beautiful before... now she almost took my breath away. Her eyes were bluer and more intense with the way she had applied her makeup, her sweet but penetrating gaze, left my body unsettled. The way she smiled at me... there were simply no words that would allow me to define her smile and what it could do to a person, or to me specifically.

\- "Do I look that bad?" - she asked making me return to the reality of the moment.

\- "What? N... no... of course not ... you are... you are..."

\- "Well? Do I look nice?... Pretty?"

\- "Beautiful!" - I sentenced without even thinking about it.

She stared at me for a few seconds, smiling in a peculiar way, as if she had predicted my response and I had just served my purpose.

\- "Thank goodness... I knew that taking your breath away could only mean one of two things... Beautiful or Terrible!"

\- "You did not take my breath away!" - I defended myself with a frown. - "You're a little conceited, you know that? But listen, we need to talk about something." - I quickly entered her room without waiting for permission, with the sole intention of escaping her gaze. - "I have a problem!"

\- "Oh no! The last time you told me that we ended up stealing dresses from a wacky Russian!"

\- "Yes... and in your fantastic escape plan we forgot something very important..." - I pointed to the lower part of my body - "shoes!"

Following my gesture, she noticed my bare feet, she stood looking at me with her arms crossed over her chest and still wearing that smug smile, that has been there since she opened the door.

\- "I thought you had taken a liking to running barefoot through Baikal!"

My only response was a silent brow lift.

\- "Okay, okay," - she defended herself, leading me towards the bed to sit down. - "I think we can find a quick solution to your problem."

She left me sitting there watching her while she searched for something inside the small closet.

\- "Perfect!" - she said when she found what she was looking for.

She came back to the bed, knelt in front of me and began to dress my feet with beautiful silver shoes, that matched my pendant. They were open and high-heeled, apparently summer sandals... I knew right away that I would be very cold tonight.

\- "I feel like Cinderella!" - I said as I watched her adjust the clasp on my ankle.

\- "And that would make me Prince Charming in this scenario?" - she asked, frowning but smiling. 

I would have continued the joke, but before I started stuttering, blushing, getting nervous or any of the things that seem to happen quite frequently lately, I preferred to change the subject.

\- "It looks like we wear the same size."

\- "Yeah... I always believed that no one had feet as small as mine. Where have you been all these years to steal your shoes?"

A smile was my only response as she offered her hand to help me up.

Already on my feet, everything seemed to have a different perspective. I had gained two inches and we were now the same height, which gave me a little more confidence.

Our hands were still joined as her gaze rose very slowly from the shoes, once she reached my eyes, our gazes locked and silence took over. It could have been uncomfortable... in fact, in any other situation, or with anyone else, I would have been extremely uncomfortable. But not with her.

Impossible to feel any kind of discomfort or awkwardness when her gaze was directed at me with that intensity, with that brightness that made time and space disappear. I could spend my whole life like this and would never tire of it.

\- "Are you ready for a long night?" - she asked, interrupting the silence.

\- "Why are you so sure it will be long?"

\- "Because I warned you that you were going to dance until your legs could not support you!"

\- "That sounds like a challenge morrita!" - I answered raising my eyebrows playfully - "And you have no idea who you're talking to!"

After smiling at me with the same playful expression, she approached very slowly, my body tensed automatically as she brushed the hair off my right shoulder, getting dangerously close.

\- "And you don't know how I'm dying to find out!" - she whispered causing every inch of my skin to burn instantly, my stomach tightening and my heart pounding.

I didn't have time to paralyse this time, she pulled me by the hand and before I knew it, we were already on our way to find a club to dance the night away.


	6. 06. I feel like taking a bath

Baikal is one of the most beautiful cities on the Trans-Siberian route and at night it was even more incredible. One of its greatest assets is the lake of the same name, known as the largest freshwater water lake in the world. The one we just crossed to reach the downtown area where all the clubs were located.

Apparently, none of the bars seemed any better than the others.

\- "If you take me to a club with this kind of music, I'm afraid you'll be dancing by yourself!" - I hastened to say while listening to the style of music pumping from the bar.

\- "Let me guess... The lady only likes Latin music, right?"

\- "Well, I am Mexican morrita! This music, apart from giving me a headache, has nothing sensual about it and I cannot dance to it."

The moment I see her mischievous smile, something inside me flutters, I feel a kind of panic, because I know she will say something to embarrass me and I cannot stop myself from blushing like a tomato.

\- "Then let's look for Latin music!" - she said quickly and somewhat excited, managing to surprise me.

Within minutes we found a club where the music was more our style and we decided to go inside.

The atmosphere seemed to be pleasant and relaxed, but the charm was lost the moment a group of men turned to gawk at us as we walked through the door. Why would that bother me? It should be the opposite, right?

Well, the truth is I did not like it at all, but Valentina did not seem to notice. So, without giving them any more importance, I followed her through the crowd as we made our way to the bar.

\- "Two tequilas!!" - she yelled at the bartender when she got his attention.

\- "Tequila? Okay, you do want to start strong!"

\- "We have to warm up Juls! You can have a beer afterwards if you want."

\- "Oh my, thank you very much for your permission!" - I said wryly.

After poking my side in response and earning a laugh from me, the bartender appeared serving us two shots of tequila accompanied by a saltshaker and a few lemon wedges on a small plate. She raised her glass slightly in toast encouraging me to do the same.

\- "To life, that put you in my path at just the right time."

My heart did not quite agree with her bittersweet statement. If I were given a choice, I would have chosen to meet her much earlier so I could enjoy spending much more time with her.

The joy her bright eyes radiated at this moment made any fear, anguish or doubt disappear automatically, and instead transformed it into peace and happiness. This was all the convincing I needed to thank life for allowing me to meet this wonderful woman and for having her here in front of me at this very moment.

So, with a sincere smile, I copied her gesture clinking glasses, before continuing with the 'Salt-Drink-Lemon' ritual.

The tequila slid down my throat, burning every inch on its way.

\- "Too strong for you?" - She asked mockingly when she saw the look on my face.

\- "I just have to get used to it! Again, I will tell you... You don't know who you're talking to!"

\- "And again, I'll answer... I'm dying to find out!"

Her bright gaze remained focused on me in that challenging way. After a few seconds, my pride took over my brain, which had recently decided to take a vacation.

\- "Two more tequilas!!" - I yelled at the bartender feeling Valentina's gaze on me.

\- "This is going to be fun!"

Without answering her, I imitated her gesture from before and raised my glass slightly to make a toast.

\- "To Valentina, the only one responsible for my brain being on vacation."

\- "May I know what that means?" - she asked frowning and smiling at the same time.

\- "You don't want to know!"

She paused for a few seconds that seemed eternal. Her intense gaze focused on my eyes, like she was analysing me and trying to read my thoughts. But what the hell could she find? I do not even know why I said something so stupid! With a raised eyebrow and a smug smile, she finally spoke.

\- "I'll find out!" - she said and together we clinked glasses before swallowing our second shot of tequila.

When the drink had reached my stomach, I felt a slight trembling in my legs, indicating the alcohol was already beginning to take effect.

Okay, Julianna, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to let your 'Mexican Female pride' take control. You haven't had a drink in a long time and this woman seems to have the stamina of a bull.

But you couldn't keep quiet, right? No!! Valentina throws you a 'challenge' and you automatically bite, knowing perfectly well that she does it for that reason and she enjoys it... Look, look how she watches you with that knowing smile... she is totally aware of what she is doing to you and the worst part is, you still can't help it!

 _'Please don't look at me like that!'_ I beg as if she could actually hear me.

\- "Why are such beautiful girls alone?" - asked a voice, breaking the spell and gaining our attention.

Great... it was two of the idiots who had been gawking at us when we walked in... This must be a joke!

Valentina smiled kindly towards the two men which they interpreted as an invitation to come closer and introduce themselves.

\- "I'm Bruno." - He said giving Valentina two kisses - "And this is my friend Mikel."

\- "Valentina," - she answered smiling.

\- "And your friend, does she have a name?" - asked the other man, looking at me with a smile, flirting, I guess.

_'Not for you, stupid!!'_

\- "Juliana." - I answered when he was practically on top of me.

\- "Where are you ladies from? It is rare to find anyone who speaks Spanish around here."

\- "We are from Mexico," - Valentina continued to answer their questions, while their presence made me increasingly uncomfortable. - "And you?"

\- "From Spain. But if all Mexican women are as beautiful as you, surely we will change countries."

 _'Wow, how ingenious this guy is!'_ \- I thought without being able to avoid rolling my eyes. Which Valentina noticed and smirked.

\- "And if all Spaniards try to flirt like you, we will probably never change country!" - she answered bluntly while smiling. The man hesitated, slightly affronted because although he had been insulted, he was surprised by her laugh, which made it unclear if she was joking or serious.

\- "Would I fix it by asking you to dance?"

The moment I heard the question, all the alarms in my brain went off at once, producing a funny noise that apparently only I could hear. My body tensed, while my eyes anxiously moved back and forth between Bruno and Valentina, pausing when I realised, she was also staring at me.

 _'No, no, no, no!'_ \- I was mentally pleading with her, hoping she was actually telepathic.

\- "Of course." - she answered, still looking at me defiantly, - "I'd love to!"

 _'Shit!!!'_ I clenched my jaw tightly, trying to suppress this strange rage that was taking hold of me. I continued to stare at her with a mixture of pleading and fury in my eyes, hoping she would understand what I was feeling.

And what am I feeling? Well, I don't know, but I am already regretting coming to this bar. To make matters worse, she walks away wearing an irritating smile, as if my frustration amused her. I am left standing at the bar with the second idiot, who will probably suffer the consequences of my anger.

\- "Would you like to dance Juliana?"

I turn to look at Mikel and for a moment I am relieved to see his innocent smile. I try to control my temper as much as possible while responding.

\- "I'm not really in the mood to dance but thank you."

\- "Okay. Then I'll leave you alone. But if you change your mind, look for me." - he said kindly.

\- "Thank you," - I replied with a smile, relieved that he hadn't insisted.

Once alone, I turned my gaze to the dance floor where the two were now dancing together in the middle of the floor. I could see them as perfectly as they could see me.

Valentina danced in a very sensual way, swaying her hips as Bruno moved close behind her grabbing her waist while his lips were inching dangerously close to her neck. That image made my skin crawl and certainly not in a good way. Valentina continued to stare at me while she moved against him. She watched me attentively and seemed completely unaware of the man who was dancing with her. I don't know what the hell she means with that look, I don't understand what she's trying to do... or if she's trying to provoke me, but every second that passes, a burning is created in my stomach that could make me explode from one moment to the next.

As if it had fallen from the sky, the bartender placed a bottle of foamy beer next to me. I did not remember asking for it, so when he saw my surprised face, he quickly pointed to the person at the far end of the bar, I followed his gaze to find Mikel, smiling from afar.

I returned his smile, making a gesture of thanks and without a second of hesitation I raised the bottle to my lips, hoping the beer would refresh my body a little and especially... my thoughts.

Three minutes later I had finished the bottle. I was sure the effects would hit me very soon after drinking it so fast.

My gaze had not left the dancers for a single second, or rather from Valentina, who also continued to observe me in such a defiant way, which did not calm me down, it irritated me more and more. The slimy idiot kept moving his hands all over her body, while practically drooling on her neck. I couldn't help but remember the smell of her hair while watching him so close to her and knowing he would not appreciate it.

 _'Don't be stupid!'_ \- I thought again - _'Fuck Juliana! Why the hell are you so nervous? She can dance with whoever she wants, even with that slob who won't take his hands off her.'_

While my thoughts swirled and confused me, I noticed him make a quick move, he turned Valentina to come face to face with him and pulled her flush to his body, my heart began to pound my chest when I saw his lips so close to hers.

At that moment, my brain and every other part of my body was permanently disconnected, stopping time or turning me into a speedy vampire. Because before I knew it, I was in the middle of the dance floor, with Valentina in my arms, without even thinking about where her previous dance partner had gone.

Nothing mattered to me. Absolutely nothing made sense while those blue eyes stared at me so intently, at the same time her smile remained intact seeing how my lungs struggled to regain the breath I had lost somewhere along the way, or maybe it was the moment my arms encircled her waist.

\- "I thought you were never going to decide."

\- "What are you playing at?" - I asked trying to catch my breath and understand something about this whole situation.

\- "Taking you to your limits!" - she answered calmly.

\- "And why do you want to do that?"

\- "Because you still don't understand what I want to teach you Juliana... you still don't take advantage of the moment because of your fears."

\- "And how would you like me to seize the moment Valentina?"

Her gaze dropped to my lips and she moved dangerously closer, I could feel her breath caressing my lips, while my heartbeat increased erratically, I swear I am on the verge of a real cardiac arrest.

\- "Do what you've been wanting to do for days." - she whispered, almost brushing my lips.

A paralysis, not at all unknown lately, took over my body when I saw and felt her lips so close to mine. My skin went into a constant shudder, goosebumps appeared making all the hairs on my body stand to attention, bristling parts I didn't even know existed until now. I could not move, at this moment my joints were not responding and my brain had completely shut down.

Suddenly, I felt like something or someone was pulling my hand, forcing me to move and waking me from my daze to see Valentina pulling me towards the exit.

I do not know what is happening to my head lately or why I am constantly confused.

\- "Where are we going?" - I asked when I managed to regain my speech.

\- "I feel like taking a bath."

\- "What? You want to take a bath? And does it have to be now?"

\- "Of course..." - she stopped for a moment in front of me - "Unless you have another idea?"

\- "N... n... no!" - I stuttered nervously at her inquisitive look.

\- "Yeah, I didn't think so."

Without saying anything else she turned around, and holding my hand securely, she continued to lead me out of the club towards the station. What normal person would leave a dance club because they suddenly wanted to take a bath? Valentina was definitely anything but normal! And her bipolarity was going to end my sanity at any moment.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO... While translating this story I decided to do a little research on the Trans-Siberian Railway and the towns/cities it stops... FYI - Baikal is the largest freshwater lake in the world and it looks amazing! But there is no city! Have to say I was slightly disappointed.. but hey! Creative licence... It's only a story.  
> Ha ha. Hope you are enjoying it. xx


	7. 07. Don't fall in love with me

Five minutes later we were crossing the bridge over Lake Baikal again. I assumed we were heading towards the train station, but at the end of the bridge she turned and guided me down the slope towards the water.

When we reached the shore, she released my hand as we looked towards the horizon. I waited patiently for an explanation that never came... well... it did, but it was not what I expected or in the way I expected.

Standing by the lake on this freezing cold night she began to remove her clothes, while I stood there stunned.

\- "Eh... what are you doing?" - I asked completely shocked.

\- "Taking off my clothes!" - she answered casually.

I frowned, wondering if she thought me stupid.

\- "Yeah, thanks, I already see that! But do you realise the temperature?"

\- "Yes, I am fully aware... but I want to bathe and I don't want to ruin my dress."

\- "Bathe?!!" - I screamed. - "Did the tequila make you lose your mind? You cannot bathe here morrita! Do you want to freeze to death?"

\- "I am going to bathe here Juls... simply because I feel like it and I won't freeze to death... because you are going to come in with me!" - she finished with her mischievous smile.

My mouth and my eyes grew wider than they already were.

\- "You are definitely completely insane... I am not going in there!"

\- "Ok... whatever you want," - she sentenced as she headed straight for the water with a huge smile on her face.

 _'Crazy... she's completely crazy!'_ I said to myself as I watched her walk around in her underwear like she couldn't feel the cold.

Cold? Where had the cold gone? It was probably only a few degrees above zero but my body felt like it was overheating as I watched her sway her hips provocatively as she walked towards the lake that was probably frozen.

_'No Juliana!! You are not moving an inch from this spot! If Miss Bipolar wants to freeze to death it is up to her... You do not move!'_

While I was talking to myself, Valentina had already reached the water and without any hesitation she entered the lake and dived into the water like it was a heated pool and not the waters of one of the coldest countries in the world.

I spent a few seconds examining the water, making sure she resurfaced, because I really did not want the responsibility of becoming her 'lifeguard'.

Thankfully, a few seconds later I spotted her head break the surface in the distance, while her arms began to splash over the water. It was completely dark and yet I could still make out the smile on her face.

\- "What are you doing?" - I asked as if she could actually hear me.

She called me from the water gesturing for me to join her.

 _'Do not even think about it!'_ I told myself again.

Once again, she invited me to join her. I don't know what changed this time, but the only reasonable explanation I can find is that my brain switched off again, which seemed to be happening a lot lately.

\- "Shit!" - I complained as I took off my dress and felt the terrible cold seep into my bones. - "If she doesn't freeze to death, I'll kill her myself!"

Once I was in my underwear, I walked quickly towards the shore, hoping some heat would return to my body. Unfortunately, that was not the case. When I arrived at the shore, I made one last attempt to get her out of the water to save myself the misery of joining her. But her smile showed me that she had no intention of leaving and she did not seem to be going through any kind of ordeal due to the temperature. So once and for all, I allowed my legs carry me to my grave.

\- "Fuck, fuck, fuck! It is so cold!! You are crazy morrita!! Completely crazy!!" - I confirmed once beside her.

\- "Oh, come on, stop complaining, it's not that bad!" - she answered, approaching me, and placing her arms around my neck. - "Better?"

\- "I don't know what to tell you," - I replied nervously as I circled her waist under the water, looking for some warmth.

\- "I'm crazy... but you've already said that!"

\- "Yes... but I don't think 'crazy' is a good enough description for what goes on in your head anymore!"

\- "Aren't you going to admit even once that you love it? That doing these crazy things with me has made you happier than you've ever been?!"

\- "I don't think you need me to confess anything. You are always one step ahead of me... but I don't understand why."

\- "Because I have no fears, no shame... I just let myself go."

\- "You may not realise it Valentina, but you have gotten me to do things that no one else has ever succeeded in doing... not even myself... I may not get carried away as much as you, but I am not the same Juliana as before."

\- "This is the only Juliana that exists. The one who has been asleep, waiting for me."

\- "I'm not so sure about that, I don't think I would be able to live this way if you weren't here."

\- "And what makes you think that I could do it without you?"

\- "You are like that, Val, you like danger, pushing me to the limit, consuming me, feeling adrenaline, you like living with intensity. It has nothing to do with whether I am in your life or not."

\- "You said it yourself; 'push you to the limit', 'consume you'... Because you are the only person with whom I have ever really felt myself and the only one who makes me behave like a madman without caring about anything. You don't judge me, you never have, you don't feel sorry for me. If you are here it is for me, but it is also for you, because you want to be here and because you like discovering what our limits are when there is nothing to lose. It is with you that I have to live all of this with Juls and it is with me that you have to live it."

\- "And what is all this Valentina? How far you want to go?"

Her face was serious before but a mysterious smile started to form which confused me and made me lower my guard.

\- "To the bottom!" - she answered pushing my head under the water and separating her body from mine.

When I resurfaced and managed to regain some oxygen, I could hear her laughing so I quickly sought my revenge, copying her move and mercilessly plunging her under the water for a few seconds.

Once she emerged, she began to swim after me and we began to play, splashing and laughing like two little girls in a pool.

Our laughter was cut short a few minutes later when a light, emanating from the far side of the shore, pointed directly at us, almost blinding us.

We didn't realise what was happening until the person holding the flashlight began to shout in Russian, of course neither of us understood anything he said. We were reminded of the shop assistant from the store that morning. The tone and anger seemed to be the same.

We reacted immediately and quickly made our way out of the water, feeling the cold invade our bones, while the man continued screaming from the other side.

We quickly grabbed our dresses and continued running, but not before looking back at the man on the far side who was dressed in a security uniform. He was probably in charge of watching the lake to prevent drunkards from falling into the lake. I'm sure he didn't expect to find two crazy women swimming at this time of night.

We ran from there as fast as we could and continued to run, holding hands, completely soaked, wearing only our underwear, carrying our dresses which were also wet now, and laughing every step of the way.

We did not meet many people on the streets, as it was very late. Thankfully, we did not meet anyone when we got on the train, we ran the risk of being kicked off the train or worse, arrested. We went straight to her cabin, exactly as we had a few hours ago.

This time, we both stood facing each other, trying to catch our breath and calm the incessant laughter caused by nerves, fear, and the excitement of the moment.

\- "One day... we will... end up... in jail!" - I said, breathing hard.

She didn't respond, there was only silence, which put my tired body on alert, I quickly ran my eyes over her to make sure she was ok and there were no problems.

However, the only problem I have right now is the image in front of me. The woman with whom I have spent the last few days with, is in her underwear, with her hair soaked and numerous drops of water running all over her body, while her chest is rapidly moving up and down due to the lack of oxygen.

Oxygen that my body is no longer receiving... My lungs seem to have stopped working, my heartbeat is accelerating like never before. When my eyes refocused and met her avid gaze, my body shuddered and my stomach clenched.

Seconds... minutes... hours... I don't know how much time passed, how long we were observing each other before I finally realised what I wanted. What I had been wanting all these days, and only now discovering that I had wanted it from the first moment those blue eyes looked directly at me.

I'm not sure how much time had passed when she shortened the distance between us, pushing my back against the door and locking me in her arms. The meaning of time seems to disappear when I lose myself in her eyes. Those eyes that were now a few inches from me, watching me with intensity... with desire.

\- "Do it Juliana..." - she whispered, with her breath on my lips - "Forget your fear for once..."

Without letting her finish, feeling a current invade my body... I did it!

I gently held her face and brought my lips to hers as I had wanted to do at the lake, on the dancefloor, on the train, in the dressing room, when I watched her sleep, when I found her again and even when I first met her.

I had longed for this moment from the first second to the last! Feeling her soft lips brushing against mine ignited a passion within me that I had never felt before, my body was tingling all over. I had always believed this was just some myth from romantic movies, that it could only happen with your one true love. Every human being yearns to feel this kind of connection.

Her arms clung to my neck with passion, while she opened her lips allowing my desperate tongue to enter, I was eager to caress her, to feel her, to taste her. Our tongues met, played, and explored, but we needed more.

I felt her chest brush against mine as we tried not to lose our breath. Our desire seemed to be more powerful than anything else. Just having her in my arms with my fingers tangled through her wet hair turned me on in a way I never thought possible.

I pushed myself off the door and guided our soaked bodies towards the bed. We stopped when her legs met the side of the bed and I slowly lowered her body. For a few seconds I stood there staring at the beautiful woman in front of me, recording the image in my head, making sure this was real and I would not wake up at any moment.

While she allowed me to observe her, a strange nervousness took hold of me. Seeing her that way and wanting her so much, I felt my body begin to tremble. Valentina aware of my inner struggle extended her hand and pulled me towards her again. We silently gazed at each other while my body rested on top of hers. There was something different in her eyes, the confidence she always possessed had disappeared, she looked vulnerable, nervous... as vulnerable and as nervous as I felt.

\- "Don't fall in love with me, Juls." - she begged as we stared at each other, breathing heavily.

\- "Why are you asking me that?" - I asked startled and a little afraid.

\- "Because I could not bear to make you suffer... you know we cannot have a future."

\- "You taught me not to think about the future."

\- "Yes, but..."

\- "But nothing, Valentina!" - I interrupted, covering her lips with my finger - "You have time to stop me if that's what you want. If you think I only feel desire for you, then tell me to leave. Because if you don't, if I stay here, I'm going to make love to you... like I have never loved anyone. And I won't be responsible for what happens afterwards."

I spent a few seconds observing her, trying to read her expression, wanting to know what she was feeling. This time I was the one who had to transmit confidence, this time she was the one afraid.

Don't fall in love with her? How can she be sure it's not too late to ask me that? How can I be sure myself?

When I received no response, I kissed her again. We kissed like it would be our last time, like nothing existed beyond this room, as if there was no future and the world was collapsing around us. I kissed her like I had never kissed anyone before.

I felt an uncontrollable desire, an enormous need to feel every inch of her skin, but I was in no rush. I wanted to savour each kiss and enjoy every caress, make them eternal, to stop time forever.

Water dripped from my wet hair on to her body, small drops slowly slid across her perfect skin as my kisses travelled down her neck, her breasts, her stomach, I played with her navel while caressing her firm abdomen, instantly falling in love with every inch of her skin.

Her hands sank into my hair, pulling and directing me towards her mouth. She kissed me with passion, with abandon, as if she had been waiting for me all her life, as if the world were going to end at this precise moment.

In a bold move I managed to unhook the clasp of her bra and remove the underwear from her body completely. Not two seconds had passed when she repeated the action, leaving our breasts exposed. The temptation to kiss, caress, nibble and suck them was too strong. I had never done anything like this before, I had never been in this situation before. But with her it was all so easy, I wanted her so much that I simply wanted to devour her from top to bottom with all the passion and tenderness I possessed.

Suddenly, she grabbed my hair tightly, pulling me level with her lips, I noticed the excitement in her breathing, she was desperate and needed more.

\- "You... consume me... Juliana," - she said grabbing my face and biting my lower lip.

I moved back a few inches to gaze into her eyes, while my right hand caressed her stomach and continued to move lower.

\- "If I remember correctly..." - I whispered, bringing my hand closer to her intimacy - "that was your idea of love."

A loud gasp, accompanied by the sinking of her nails, was her only reply as my fingers began to caress her folds. She was completely wet which excited me in an uncontrollable way.

Her hips moved in circles under my trembling body, as my fingers stroked her clit. I couldn't wait any longer, I needed to make her mine now.

She was also feeling the same need and with a quick movement, she positioned herself above me, holding my hands on either side of my head, and preventing me from moving.

With a triumphant smile, showing that impudence of hers that drives me completely crazy, she began to move her hips, causing the most amazing sensation as our clits rubbed together. The moans of pleasure I would normally suppress, were expressed freely without any modesty, without fear and completely losing all control of my being.

I couldn't take it anymore, with the simple touch of her body, she was making me feel things that I didn't even know I could feel. I managed to release my right hand, which had been held captive, and lowered it directly towards her centre. There was no strategy, I simply desired to touch her, to feel her.

I caressed her clit again, while her hips continued to increase that unbridled rhythm. When I couldn't take it anymore, and I felt she needed more, I entered her with two fingers, we both moaned at the sensation which immediately created a tension in her body.

For a few seconds she stopped her movements and leaned her body closer to mine, our lips were at the same height. Her wet hair fell sensually over my face and I was dying to kiss her lips.

She seemed to understand my desires, within a few seconds her lips were brushing against mine, while our tongues played and my fingers continued to move inside her.

She separated again for a moment. And with her gaze fixed on my eyes, she lowered her hand slowly towards my centre, gently caressing my entrance before inserting her fingers, my back arched with the shock and pleasure of feeling her inside me.

Her lips drew a triumphant smile this time, our gazes were as fixed and penetrating as ever with our lips only inches apart. Sharing excitement, passion and... love. Our bodies entangled and fingers sliding into one another, we began a frantic and unbridled dance. I would never be able to fully describe this experience, something that brought me to limits I never knew existed. A mixture of love and passion, which gave me the greatest pleasure that any human being could feel. The feeling of having that one special person in your arms, knowing she feels exactly the same and that these bodies at some point stopped being two and merged into one.

In this moment we were taken to heaven, where our souls met and with a loud groan were united forever.

We felt our bodies tense with the release of our orgasms, followed quickly by the feeling of exhaustion that invaded afterwards. She dropped down next to me and we stared at each other while our lungs regained the missing oxygen and our rapid breathing began to slow.

She stroked my face and I stroked hers in complete silence, the only sound came from our racing hearts still struggling to normalise their rhythm.

As we lay there gazing into each other's eyes, words seemed superfluous, we let our trembling bodies and racing hearts speak for themselves in a language that we were only beginning to understand. We remained this way until we could no longer keep our eyes open and sleep took over.  
  



	8. 08. Stay here... with me

I felt a slight tickling on my cheek which woke me from my beautiful dream, a dream I did not want to wake from. Or at least, that is what I thought until I opened my eyes and found the most beautiful woman on earth staring at me. It didn't take long to realise that my reality was infinitely better than I had ever dreamed of.

\- "What are you thinking about?" - I asked half sleepy, seeing how she looked at me with that contagious smile.

Wasn't this the best way anyone could wake up?

\- "About life..." - she answered while sliding a small and delicate feather across my face.

\- "And what exactly are you thinking about?"

\- "I am grateful for you and being allowed to feel this."

Her eyes shone in a special but different way, the blue that had always fascinated me, now made me tremble.

\- "You're so beautiful." - I said admiring every part of her face that made me feel so many things at once. - "When did this happen?"

\- "What do you mean?"

\- "You, me, tonight... these days... everything... When did it start? When did you... Have you ever been with a girl before?"

\- "No... And I don't think this..." - she gestured between us - "has anything to do with that."

\- "So?"

\- "What did you think the first time you saw me in the carriage Juls? When we still hadn't talked... what did you feel?" - I was silent for a few seconds, trying to think back and remember exactly what had happened four days ago.

\- "I... I don't know... You looked beautiful... Full of life... I don't know how to explain it, but I couldn't stop looking at you, something just clicked in a matter of seconds... as if... as if it was planned."

\- "Exactly... as if fate had put us in the same place at the right time."

\- "Would you have been with me if you weren't... you know..."

\- "If I weren't sick?" - I nodded - "Maybe we would never have gotten to know each other if I wasn't."

\- "I am not going to be thankful that you got sick just so I could meet you, Valentina!"

\- "You don't have to be, Juls... You just have to think that things happened like this for a reason. But I will always be grateful that life brought us together and for allowing me to feel this, even if it is only once."

On impulse I quickly pushed her down on to the bed and positioned myself on top of her, holding both her hands above her head.

\- "And who told you that you were only going to feel it once?" - I asked mischievously.

\- "Oh... So has the lady's hard heart softened for good?"

\- "You were the one who provoked me until I opened my 'hard heart' morrita. Now you will have to face the consequences!"

\- "And what are those consequences?"

I got dangerously close to her ear. - "That I get addicted to you... that I can't stop kissing you... " - I whispered, nibbling on her earlobe - "touching you."

I felt her skin bristle as I tightly squeezed her hands that were still imprisoned above her head.

\- "And... what... is... supposed to be... wrong with that?" - She asked between gasps.

I stopped for a moment to pull back and look directly at her, her frustrated face was enough to make me smile in satisfaction.

\- "There is nothing wrong with it... but... we risk spending all day in this room."

\- "And I ask again... What's wrong with that?"

\- "Absolutely nothing!" - I said getting out of bed - "But we need to have breakfast and make sure we take advantage of every minute of the day!"

\- "Breakfast?" - she asked looking at the watch on her wrist - "Juliana, it's three in the afternoon!"

I had just reached her closet when the information sunk in. I turned quickly to face her.

\- "Three?" - I questioned, totally amazed - "How long did we sleep?"

\- "Well, not too long, in case you don't remember last night... or rather, the whole day was quite... busy?!"

\- "Believe me I remember it perfectly... One of these days we will be locked up for causing a public scandal, or for stealing and God knows how many other things."

With an air of mischief in her eyes, she got up from the bed, allowing me to observe her completely naked body, my legs instantly began to tremble, threatening to fail at any moment. Within a matter of seconds, she had reached me and I was already in that absurd state of temporary hypnosis. Why do I try to be provocative when she manages to paralyse me with a simple glance?

\- "Do you regret anything?" - she whispered, getting dangerously close to my lips.

\- "That's the strangest thing about this..." - I answered trying to keep my composure - "I would repeat it over and over again."

She remained silent for a few seconds while staring at me, wearing nothing but a smile, our lips a few inches apart and our bodies brushing. I don't understand how it is possible but the more I look at her, the more beautiful she becomes.

\- "We'd better get dressed." - I interrupted the moment before embarrassing myself further. - "I want to show you something before we get to the station."

\- "A surprise?" - She asked, excited like a little girl.

\- "Something like that."

\- "I'm going to take a shower."

She quickly entered the small ensuite, leaving me with a silly smile on my face as I watched her go. My heart was beating rapidly while my stomach experienced numerous sensations that were impossible to explain.

I turned my attention back to her closet, hoping to find something I could wear but my browsing was interrupted by a horrible cough coming from the bathroom. I waited a few seconds hoping it would stop, but my concern increased when it seemed to get worse.

\- " Val?... Are you okay?" - I asked through the closed door. After a few more seconds of only hearing that nasty cough, the answer came.

\- "Yes... Don't worry, I must have gotten a cold when we bathed in the lake."

Although that answer had in no way convinced or reassured me, the coughing had stopped. And despite my concern, I did not question her further.

All the happiness I had felt just moments ago, when I had forgotten about the future and what was happening outside this room, was tainted in just a few seconds when I was returned to reality... to this sad reality that no matter how much I prayed, no matter how much I asked or begged, it was not going to have a different ending. The anguish I had felt in my chest on that first day returned and began to multiply.

But what I felt no longer mattered, at some point during the night, while making love to her or perhaps as we gazed at each other before we fell asleep, I had silently made a promise to the universe that had brought us together.

When I caressed her... kissed her... or lost myself in her gaze, I had understood the meaning of the word happiness. I knew there would be difficult times ahead, I may not understand God's reasons or why this had to happen to her, but my only mission from this moment on, was to simply live with her. To fill her days with moments like these, where happiness is the only option. To make sure her contagious laugh is never extinguished, the laugh that only she possesses, capable of brightening and changing the life of any person.

Minutes later she reappeared, emerging from the bathroom already dressed, and leaving a refreshing scent in her wake. The memory of the first time she hugged me automatically came to mind, her warm embrace and the smell of her hair had made me feel things that I had never expected to feel for a woman. That scent had lingered with me the rest of that day, making it impossible to get her out of my head.

\- "Hey! You still there?" - she asked making exaggerated gestures with her hands in front of my face.

\- "I'm sorry... I was distracted!"

With a tender smile, she slowly approached and wrapped her arms around my waist, resting her head on my chest.

\- "Sometimes I would like to be inside your head to know what you are thinking." - she said after a sigh.

I wrapped my arms around her, my fingers began to comb through her wet hair while her addictive scent filled me.

\- "Have I ever told you that I love the way you smell?"

She slightly raised her face to look at me with a smile. - "No."

Before my nerves prevented me from acting, I removed a silk scarf from my pocket and began to tie it around her eyes, catching her off guard.

\- "What are you doing?"

\- "Imitating a romantic movie... I always wanted to this!"

Her laugh was heard throughout the corridor as I directed her towards her surprise. Along the way, the people we met gave us strange looks... And she, while blindfolded and oblivious to everything, kept asking what I was laughing at. It didn't take us five minutes to get to our destination.

\- "Shh... Now don't make any noise," - I said mysteriously.

\- "Juls, this is beginning to scare me."

\- "I just want to show you one thing... but problem is we are not allowed to enter."

When her mouth fell open and she was about to reply, I quickly opened the door and ushered her through before we were discovered.

As soon as we passed to the other side, the cold air invaded our bones in a ferocious way.

\- "God... Your idea of romance was putting me in a freezer?"

\- "Come on!!" - I yelled trying to make myself heard over the noise. I guided her onto the platform and positioned myself behind her, letting the wind hit our faces and blow our hair for a few seconds.

\- "Feel the freedom!!" - I said as I untied the scarf.

As soon as I uncovered her eyes and she saw what was in front of her, her hands gripped my clothes firmly. Perhaps it was from the shock or feeling like she could fall into the void at any moment.

Before saying anything, I gently looped the scarf around her neck, wanting to protect her a little from the icy air that was whipping around us.

\- "This is awesome!!" - She said as she watched the landscape go by at full speed, completely amazed.

\- "Relax... you are not going to fall... we are safe."

\- "How did you discover this?"

\- "On one of the first days, I was looking for a solitary carriage, like the one we met in, and I came here... I was curious and decided to see what was in here. It is completely forbidden to come out here because anyone could fall onto the train tracks. I never came back again... but this morning I thought that you should see it. I wanted you to feel this sense of freedom from the speed of the train and the scenery... it's like we're flying... I couldn't leave without us experiencing it together."

Very slowly, trying not to make any sudden movement that could endanger our lives, she turned around, bringing us face to face. She stood motionless for a few seconds gazing at me, clinging to my body, while I clung to hers, the possibility of falling was no longer important, all that mattered was being here together. She stared into my eyes while caressing my face tenderly, making the butterflies in my stomach flutter incessantly.

\- "You are so beautiful."

I'm not sure whether it was her words, her loving gaze, or having her in my arms, but my heart was pounding in my chest. On other occasions I may have been embarrassed or blushed... but this was too perfect. It felt so natural, and far from getting nervous, paralysed or whatever else, I did what I had been wanting to do since I opened my eyes and found her in front of me, smiling and caressing my face with a feather. I did what I want to do every second I am by her side and I never want to stop doing it.

...I kissed her...

A sweet and delicate kiss. A kiss to convey what my words could not. A kiss that I hoped would explain why my heart beat so fast when she looked at me, why my skin tingled when she touched me, or why my stomach somersaulted just because she was close. Regardless of the fears or what may happen next.

Our tongues met and played tenderly as the speed of the train rocked and brought us closer together. The kiss, despite being slow and tender, had the same passion as each of our previous kisses and caresses. There was an intensity... as if it really could be our last.

I'm sure that people, when they fall in love, kiss with intensity and passion... but this was different... I felt that with each kiss, I gave her a part of me, that at any moment, this intensity would merge us, and unite us as one person.

Yes, I may be exaggerating... You may think I'm crazy, or whatever...

But what I feel when I kiss Valentina... you will only understand when you are certain that you are giving your last kiss to the person you love. The day you know you may not have another chance. With each gesture, each caress, each smile, and each kiss... you know you would give your life for that other person.

When our lips parted and my gaze returned to her mesmerising blue eyes, that seemed to peer directly into my soul, my chest felt tight as a lump began to form in my throat and I could not prevent the tears from forming.

\- "I don't want to lose you, Valentina."

I was constantly struggling with my emotions. On one hand, I was happy to share these moments with her, promising to live each day as if it were our last... But on the other hand, when I looked into her eyes, felt an uncontrollable anguish in my heart at the thought that one day I would lose her forever.

I watched as her eyes also became glassy. She tried to control it, but in the few days I had spent with her I had managed to memorise every detail and despite her best efforts to avoid it, they had now become crystalline.

\- "I would like to ask you to do something," - she said with a smile, much to my surprise.

\- "Whatever you want." - After a few seconds of silence, she dared to continue.

\- "Write our story, Juls!"

It took me a few seconds to consider her suggestion, struggling to even remember what my profession had been before embarking on this adventure. I realised at that moment that I had completely forgotten what had brought me here in the first place, the desire to write my next book had been completely forgotten until this moment.

\- "Are you serious?"

\- "Yes... Write your story! I want you to write about your feelings from the first time you saw me."

\- "Why do you want me to do that?" - I asked confused.

\- "Because it will help keep me alive in your memories."

\- "I don't need to write a book about us to remember you, Valentina... Do you think I could forget you?"

\- "No Juls, you don't understand. I will always be with you, in the simplest of things... When something falls from your hands, it will be me... messing with you! Or when you feel the wind around you, it will also be me... trying to caress you. I have to take care of you, to try and keep this new Juliana alive... I do not want her to disappear again. I want you to write our story, let the world know the tale of two girls, that fate brought together so they could learn from each other and experience something they had never felt before. I want you to remember this when you feel lost or sad... or when you miss me. The feelings I have made you feel... I want you to keep them alive and they will give you the strength you need."

A mixture of emotions invaded me at that moment and prevented any words from leaving my lips. I stared at her, trying not to let the tears escape.

\- "Promise me, Juliana," - she pleaded, stroking my cheeks.

\- "On one condition..."

\- "Which one?" - she asked surprised.

\- "We start it together."

Her only response was to kiss me. She kissed me exactly as I had kissed her before, with passion and sweetness, intensity and affection. Making me feel that moments like these were all that mattered.

Minutes later, as we savoured our eternal kiss, we were startled by the train whistle, indicating we had reached the next station.

\- "We'd better get out of here before they catch us and kick us off the train," - I said, noticing how it had started to slow down.

\- "In the end, I will be arrested because of you!"

\- "Eh, don't think this makes up for the crazy things you've made me do! This is nothing compared to stealing dresses from a crazy Russian or bathing in a frozen lake!"

\- "Yeah, you're right!" - she accepted nodding. "You still have a long way to go before you pass me... but you're on the right track. Keep it up!" - she winked.

I couldn't help rolling my eyes and shaking my head at her cockiness. That self-satisfied smile that drove me completely crazy was her only response.

We quickly made our way back through the train before someone discovered us. When we arrived at the penultimate station of this beautiful journey, we left the train to explore the new city.

Despite the well-known cold, the sun illuminated the landscape of Khabarovsk, making the city even more beautiful. The truth is I had missed seeing the sun, even though it did not provide any heat to this remote environment.

Silence took hold of us as we watched the train passengers leave in different directions, knowing exactly where they were going. Unlike us, we never knew where we would go or where we would end up.

This city is just a few hours from Vladivostok, the last station of the Trans-Siberian route. Therefore, tonight, the train will leave again, and tomorrow it will reach the end of its journey.

At this point, I don't know what will happen, I don't know what will become of us when we get to the next city. It saddens me to think that this could be the end, that maybe she'll want to go home and I won't be part of her plans.

I know... I have repeated a thousand times, that we are living every second without thinking about what will happen next. But sometimes that is impossible, right? Especially in these moments, when my mind wants to do all the work that I find impossible when Valentina looks at me and my brain disconnects.

\- "Whenever you're quiet, I have the feeling that you are thinking things you shouldn't!" - she interrupted as if she had heard my inner monologue.

\- "I am really starting to think that you can read my mind!"

\- "I just know you," - she declared with a smile.

I couldn't stop a sigh from escaping when realising what she said was totally true. She does know me, more than anyone has ever known me. I would even dare to say she knows me better than I know myself.

A few seconds later, I felt her hand brush against mine, causing a tingling sensation to run over my skin and my stomach to flutter when she intertwined our fingers.

We walked in silence holding hands, not concerned that people could be watching us. Without considering the possibility that a relationship between two women would be frowned upon in this part of the world.

What difference does it make what people think?

The only person I care about on this planet, is by my side. The only person I have ever felt anything real for in my whole life. The only person I want to take by the hand and let everyone witness what we feel. Whether they agree or not.

We arrived at a square, dominated by a huge statue that hundreds of tourists were photographing.

\- "Do you have a camera?" - she asked, steering us towards the crowd.

\- "Sure... the first thing that comes to mind when I'm traveling alone is to bring a camera to take pictures of myself!" - I answered ironically while smiling.

She responded by sticking her tongue out at me and making me laugh.

\- "Wait here a minute."

\- "Hey, hey, hey, where are you going?" - I questioned before she left me.

\- "I'll be right back."

Without answering, she walked away smiling, leaving me standing there alone surrounded by crowds of people.

Thankfully within a few minutes she was back. And to my surprise, she was accompanied by a middle-aged man with oriental features.

\- "Where did you go?" - I asked as soon as she approached me, noticing that the man had stopped a few meters away.

\- "We cannot finish this trip without taking our first photograph."

The man, who carried a huge polaroid camera in his hands, the kind that produced a photo instantly, got into position and aimed his camera towards us.

Valentina hugged me around the waist and with our faces pressed against each other, we smiled at the camera, under that huge statue. The man quickly took the photograph and we watched as it automatically printed. The man waved it in the air, drying the ink before showing it to us.

It was perfect, I never imagined we would be together in a photograph.

The simple piece of paper was able to convey the utter happiness on the faces of two people. Letting the world see that they are right where they wanted to be and nothing could make them happier.

Do people see us like this? Is this what we transmit?

Before I realised what was happening, Valentina was leading me back to our old position and telling the man to take another photo of us. I did not understand why, as the first photo seemed perfect. We quickly adopted the same position from before but as I anxiously waited for the man to take the photo, Valentina's hands held my face and without pausing, she joined her lips with mine.

It was a little kiss, which we did not deepen, we were simply static. It was no less intense or beautiful than the previous ones. She held my cheeks tight as if she wanted to prevent me from pulling away, which of course never crossed my mind. It was becoming increasingly clear that nothing could stop this girl.

Within seconds I had completely forgotten where we were and the excitement of having her lips joined to mine was enough to make me want to go further. My tongue soon joined the kiss, with a crazy desire to play with the partner I understood perfectly.

Shortly after, without having time to savour her taste, we both felt a slight movement by our side and much to our disappointment, we stopped our kiss. I noticed Valentina's angry face and knew she was ready to lecture whoever had interrupted us. To our surprise, the oriental man who had taken the photo was now angrily waving the two photographs in our face, demanding we pay for his service.

As I was turning as red as a tomato and laughing at this ridiculous situation, Valentina gave the man some coins, while the man muttered a few words in some unknown language.

\- "What a temper the Russians have!"

\- "He didn't look Russian Val!" - I replied mockingly, emphasizing his oriental features, which suggested he was from China, Japan or even Korea.

\- "It doesn't matter... in two days we have been insulted by three different men!"

\- "That's what you get for not being embarrassed and kissing me in front of the poor man who you asked to take our picture!"

\- "I just wanted a photo of us kissing and since the 'clever lady' did not think of bringing her own camera... And while we're on the subject, I didn't see you move away either!"

\- "Obviously, I didn't want to make you look bad!" - I said with an indifferent shrug.

\- "Yeah, sure..." - she answered narrowing her eyes.

A little kiss on her lips was enough for her usual smile to return, abandoning her feigned tantrum.

Again, we set off walking, not knowing where we would end up. When we reached the edge of the square, we decided to sit on one of the small benches. We watched as dozens of children ran around the area, while some elderly people threw bread on the ground for the pigeons.

The children were just beginning their lives and the elderly were close to the end of theirs. And strangely, there was not much difference between them. Both gave off hope and vitality in each of their movements. I envied children, for having a long life ahead of them in which they had many things to learn. I envied the elderly for having travelled their path feeling satisfied with their lives. But the truth is, I would not trade with any of them, even if they offered me eternal life, or if they promised I would reach old age with the certainty of fulfilling my dreams. None of that was comparable to the happiness that invaded my heart at this moment, sitting here with her hand in mine, caressing me tenderly as we watched the scene before us, each one thinking something different.

\- "You are the best thing that ever happened to me!" - I said suddenly, as if my thoughts had taken on a life of their own.

I could feel her gaze on me after my statement and my heart automatically began to pump with more force, as I forced myself to look at her.

\- "You still have many things to live for." - she replied, caressing my cheek.

\- "Maybe, but... I know that nothing will ever feel like this." - I returned my gaze to the people walking through the square. - "But words are not my thing..." - I stared at her and smiled ironically - "I am better at writing."

Suddenly her gaze stopped, as if she had remembered something, or a wonderful idea had just occurred.

\- "Do not move from here!" - she said, getting up quickly.

\- "Where are you going now? I'm beginning to think that you like abandoning me!"

With a tender kiss on the lips followed by a smile, she headed off, leaving me sitting there observing the children, the elderly, the birds and whatever else appeared in that place.

A few minutes later, she arrived with a bag in her hands and sat down, while I waited patiently for an explanation.

\- "Let's start!" - She said excitedly as she produced a small notebook from the bag.

\- "Start what?"

\- "The book. You said that you don't know how to express yourself with words and that you are better at writing? Well, this is the perfect time to start. We can find out what exactly you keep in your hermetic heart."

\- "Hermetic heart?" - I asked offended - "It didn't take you long to open it for you to think it's hermetic!"

\- "Well, only I had the magic key." - she finished smiling and preventing me from any kind of response.

I stopped to stare at her, wondering if she knew how true her words were. I do not know if there was a magic key, but there had to be some mystical element involved that she could enter my heart so easily. My heart feels tethered to hers and I know that not even death will release it.

\- "Think back. Try to remember what you were thinking just before you saw me, when you were staring out that window... What did you feel?"

As strange as this seemed, I did what she asked and tried to visualise myself in that carriage, just before we met.

\- "I felt tired..." - I began to remember - "I was tired of just taking steps backwards."

\- "What were you doing?" - she asked, aware that my memory had already travelled back four days.

\- "I was watching the landscape pass quickly before my eyes, we had left behind the last city and were approaching the next..."

And this is how we spent the rest of our afternoon, remembering every detail of our beginning. A beginning that seemed so long ago, despite only being four days. The four most intense and full of life days that I have ever lived.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's starting to get emotional! 😭
> 
> Prepare yourselves! 🤧


	9. 09. Shameless

The day had passed quickly and before we knew it, the sun had set giving rise to a beautiful round moon. We were reminded of the continuance of time, which for us, no longer made sense.

We decided to have dinner at a restaurant in the area before returning to the train to spend our last night aboard the Trans-Siberian. We found an elegant restaurant nearby, maybe too elegant for the way we were dressed. But not even that could stop us at this point.

I made a small gesture to the waiter, indicating that we needed a table for two, it didn't take him long to find us the perfect spot. He led us to the upper floor of the restaurant to a small table beside a window with a beautiful view of the square where we had spent our afternoon. A lit fireplace completed the romantic scene which also provided a comforting warmth protecting us from the terrible cold that had invaded the night.

\- "We could not have found such a romantic place if we had planned it." - She said looking around.

\- "Yes, it's beautiful." - I agreed.

The waiter arrived with a bottle of wine and after receiving our approval, he filled the bottom of our glasses and offered us each a menu. But before I opened the menu and chose something random, because I would not be able to read it, I chose to try the red wine, which looked exquisite. I raised my glass, hoping she would mimic my gesture.

\- "To us..." - I toasted, observing the sparkle in her eyes, - "because life continues to fill us with unexpected moments."

Her approving smile was enough for us to clink one glass against the other and take a sip of the wine, which, as I had anticipated, was exquisite. Our gazes locked attentively, forgetting about the menu that was waiting to be opened, or anything else that might be around.

\- "What a surprise!" - Exclaimed a familiar voice, pulling us out of our pleasant moment.

 _'Oh no!! The guys from the club'_ , I thought when I saw the overly smiling face of that man, whose name I didn't even remember.

\- "Valentina and Juliana!" - He exclaimed again as if we were lifelong friends - "How small is the world?!"

_'Either the world is very small or I did something very bad in another life to have to endure your presence again!'_

\- "Bruno and... Mikel? Right?" - Valentina asked, trying to be polite.

_'Great... she remembers their names.'_

\- "That's right!"

The man grabbed a chair and automatically sat down next to Valentina, making his friend, the one I liked a little better, sit next to me. But the anger I was beginning to feel was not subtle.

 _'Be careful of your reactions!'_ I warned myself silently, being aware that my face at this moment would be very similar to that of a rabid dog.

\- "Well? How are the two most beautiful women in the world?" - He asked trying to be nice but only managing to look stupid.

\- "Wonderful until two minutes ago!" - I answered sarcastically, without even thinking.

The idiot, far from taking the hint and leaving, managed to intensify my rage by openly flirting with Valentina.

\- "Is your friend always this harsh?"

 _'Friend? And what the hell do you know what I am to her idiot?'_ I don't know why, but each word he spoke seemed stupider than the one before. And of course, seeing those helpless puppy dog eyes when he looked at my girl... Yes... MY GIRL! In case that hasn't been made clear yet. Produced an unbearable knot to form in my stomach.

\- "I'm going to the bathroom." - I informed them, while looking firmly at Valentina, but she just laughed at the silly situation. Yes... maybe I would have laughed too. But I had disliked that guy from the beginning. Probably because his intentions were visible from a mile away and I felt powerless and unable to stop him.

I made my way into the bathroom and went straight to the sink to freshen my face, or my ideas... or both. Minutes later, I was drying off when I heard someone open the door, my instinct was to look to the mirror to see who had entered. Valentina was leaning against the wall, her arms crossed over her chest and an irritating smile adorning her lips.

\- "What are you laughing at?" - I asked completely serious and upset.

She did not answer my question, instead she very slowly approached... with the same catlike expression when one stalks its prey and is about to attack. A tremor invaded my body from head to toe... and it was not from fear that my skin was bristling. She wrapped her arms around my waist, while I tried to maintain my rigid posture. Which was very difficult when my skin came into contact with hers.

\- "Jealous?" - she whispered at my ear level, as she looked defiantly at me through the mirror.

\- "I'm not jealous!" - I defended myself narrowing my eyes.

\- "Oh no? So why did you treat Bruno so badly?"

\- "How quickly you learned his name!"

\- "Do you not see how jealous you are?" - she continued smiling.

\- "I am not jealous, morrita! That guy just hits me like a kick to the stomach, because from day one his intentions with you were clear. Every time I see him, I can't help but remember you dancing with him while he was about to kiss you! And like an idiot, I just sat there suffering but doing nothing about it. And now, watching him flirt with you... I feel exactly the same!"

After all those words came tumbling out of my mouth, running into each other without thought, I was seized with an immediate relief, as if a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

\- "Only by pushing yourself to the limits do you react, Juliana Valdes. And if what bothers you is that he flirted, nobody is preventing you from going out there and kissing me so that he understands that I am yours!"

\- "Are you mine?" - I asked for the first time, really wanting to know what all this meant to her.

\- "Completely!" - She answered resting her chin on my shoulder, while we continued to stare at each other through the mirror.

After a few seconds in which a tranquillity had invaded my heart, not only for hearing her words, but for feeling them so true in the depths of her eyes. I felt her hand, slowly slide down my stomach before she slipped her hand into my jeans.

\- "What... what are you doing?" - I asked with difficulty when I felt her fingers caressing my privacy.

\- "Showing you that you are mine too." - she replied provocatively.

With a swift movement, she turned me around, bringing us face to face and returning to her task inside my pants.

\- "Here? Are... are you crazy?"

\- "Have I not made that clear to you yet, baby?"

\- "No... We... They are... Someone will see us!" - I tried to warn her, while losing control of my body and forgetting the fact that at any moment someone could enter.

\- "That possibility makes it even more exciting." - She answered with all her impudence. I was simply trying to hold onto the edge of the sink, fearing my legs would fail me at any moment. Her long fingers began to move at full speed over my clit.

\- "You... you're... shameless!"

She stopped her movements abruptly, my eyes narrowing, sending her a look of annoyance and disappointment. Which seemed to be the reaction she was looking for, and with a simple movement, her long fingers slipped inside me, producing an impossible to control moan to leave my lips.

\- "And you love that!" - she whispered in my ear, while she was nibbling on my ear lobe and increasing the movements of her fingers, making my gasps and moans become more and more audible. - "Admit it!"

I tried to resist as much as possible, but at this moment... my mind had travelled back to a place it had been the night before, a place that managed to make time and space disappear, making everything that was not us... meaningless.

\- "Admit it!" - she repeated, increasing her movements.

\- "I... I admit it!"

The moment I accepted that her impudence was driving me completely crazy, her fingers increased their thrusting movements, making my hips lose control, I was completely unbridled. My usually silent moans had now turned into desperate screams... my orgasm exploded within me and an electrical charge shot through my body at the moment of maximum pleasure, releasing the loudest scream I had ever expressed.

\- "Completely mine!" - She whispered leaving little kisses on my cheek as I tried to catch my breath.

My strength had now faded and I was trying to recover as quickly as possible. We had been so engrossed in each other, that neither of us noticed the woman who had entered the bathroom and was now absolutely stunned by the scene in front of her.

My cheeks instantly blushed red with embarrassment and the lady, when she was discovered, quickly left the bathroom, muttering many things in a language neither of us could understand.

When we heard the door slam shut, Valentina began to laugh out loud, and I, despite the embarrassment I felt at that moment, could not help but join her.

\- "Shameless!"

\- "Do you want me to show you again how shameless I am?" - she asked raising a challenging eyebrow.

At that moment, a chill ran through my entire body, fully aware that she was absolutely capable of making love to me again right here. And considering what had just happened... that idea made my skin begin to tingle again.

\- "We better get out of here!" - I rushed to say trying to control my body's reaction.

We left the bathroom, heading for the restaurant exit, having completely forgotten about the annoying company waiting for us at the table.

As we walked hurriedly, unable to stop laughing, we saw how the man, Bruno, made gestures from our table, trying to get our attention.

Making an impulsive decision, I stopped abruptly, grabbed Valentina's face, and kissed her in front of the entire restaurant. Noticing how the eyes of the other diners turned towards us stunned, Including Bruno, who had surely never been so uncomfortable in his life.

When we parted our lips, we realised that we had managed to become the centre of attention, people were glancing at us while whispering to each other. The situation made us laugh again, and we promptly left the restaurant. Leaving the boys with the bill for our bottle of wine.

We arrived at the train a few minutes later, laughing, as usual. But thankfully this time we were not running away from anyone... although it could have happened.

Once in the room, we flung ourselves onto the bed and stared at the ceiling trying to steady our breathing and calm our incessant laughter. Little by little, the oxygen reached my lungs and the laughter disappeared giving rise to a smile of complete happiness.

I looked to the side, meeting her gaze as she watched me. I imitated her posture and turned my body to face her. We spent minutes observing each other in that same position while her hand caressed my cheek and my body gradually relaxed, giving way to a deep sleep. But I didn't want to sleep... I liked these moments of silent gazes, I loved watching her and had now accepted that I was totally addicted to her mesmerising blue eyes.

\- "I love you." - she whispered suddenly.

Hearing those words, my heart began to palpitate and pounded desperately against my chest. Eager to run off in some safe direction or perhaps simply wanting to be heard over any other organ in my body.

Without giving me time to think or respond, I felt her lips brushing mine in a tender, reassuring kiss. A kiss that tried to expel any doubt or fear that existed within me... if any remained.

I would have liked to feel it for longer, I would have liked my heart to say the words that my mouth does not know how to articulate. Those words that despite feeling them... I only know how to express in every kiss and caress. But after a few seconds our lips parted with a smile.

\- "Good night." - she finished closing her eyes and letting herself be overcome by sleep.

\- "Good night... my love."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A cute chapter declaring their feelings before the dreaded moment you’ve been waiting for! 😫


	10. 10. What follows me is escape

Opening my eyes to find her beautiful face sound asleep, creates a sense of calm and instant well-being within me. I still find it hard to believe that this is happening, that such an incredibly beautiful woman could have noticed someone like me.

I am not belittling myself, it's not like I have been unsuccessful in relationships, on the contrary. But what is certain... not one of those people can be compared to Valentina. I don't know where she has been all these years or why she did not appear in my life before. But right now, at this very moment, while I watch her sleep with that adorable smile on her lips, I feel that she is the one... she is the person I always hoped for, the only person capable of making me feel this way.

And the most incredible thing is... she loves me... and I love her too.

I may not dare to say it out loud, I know that the moment it happens, the moment my lips release how I feel, there will be no going back, I will have no escape... and that scares me. But the question is... do I still have an escape?

Could I go before it was too late?

No... I think of the way my heart speeds up just looking at her, the trembling that invades my body when she touches me, or the peace that her smile produces in me. These reactions are a clear sign that it's already too late.

You fell into the trap Juliana. You are completely crazy about this blue-eyed girl and your only desire right now is to be able to enjoy this image every day for the rest of your life... Although you know it is completely impossible.

 _'If I could give my life in exchange for yours... know that I would!'_ I think as I gently remove a few strands of hair that have fallen on to her face.

Yes, as intense as it sounds, I would... I would do it without even thinking about it.

I had woken up an hour ago, aware that the train had come to a stop, but Valentina continued to sleep peacefully. Mindful of the fact that we were already in Vladivostok, the last stop on the Trans-Siberian route and as much as I would like to watch her sleep, I will have to wake her before someone shows up to kick us off the train.

After continuing to observe her for a few seconds and realising that she was immersed in a deep sleep, I did not want to wake her, so I decided to get out of bed and go in search of a good breakfast... or lunch, given the time.

I buy everything I need from the train cafeteria and make my way back to the room, finding her exactly as I left her. I can't help but smile foolishly when I see her.

I sit on the edge of the bed but she doesn't flinch at the movement, I begin to caress her face with a rose I stole from a vase in the restaurant.

I know... lately I have become a kleptomaniac! I swear that as soon as we hit solid ground, I will go get treatment before it gets worse.

Finally, the tickling of the rose begins to take effect and she moves slightly. It took a few more seconds before her eyes opened, finding that silly smile on my face that for some reason has not disappeared yet.

\- "Good morning." - she smiled as she stretched her arms.

\- "Good morning sleepyhead... you need to wake up."

\- "Why? Is it late? I feel like I only slept an hour."

\- "An hour? I think you should multiply it by ten or twelve!" - I report caressing her face tenderly. - "It must be after noon."

\- "Noon? Are we already in Vladivostok?"

\- "Yes. We arrived an hour ago... Are you okay?" - I ask worried at seeing her so tired.

\- "I'm just a little tired... my blood pressure may have dropped. But I'm sure I will recover with this feast." - she looked excitedly at the tray that rested on my legs, which I had almost forgotten about.

\- "The truth is, I didn't know that you would like to eat and the train restaurant is already closed, so I brought some things from the cafeteria." - I informed her with some shyness - "You have toast, bread, orange juice, coffee, fruit, water."

\- "Tell me the truth... you wanted to feed an elephant, not me!" - She joked when she noticed my insecurity.

\- "I'm sure an elephant would get up earlier than you!" - I said sticking out my tongue. - "Besides, I need to eat too, I've been staring at the ceiling for almost an hour, waiting for you to deign to open my eyes."

\- "At the ceiling?" - she asked raising a playful eyebrow - "Are you sure that's where you were looking?"

\- "We better start eating." - I narrowed my eyes trying to change the subject - "We need to pack before they kick us out."

She nodded as she took a bite of the toast she had buttered and jammed - "Where are we going to sleep tonight?"

That question made my hands shake as I took a sip of coffee into my mouth. It was not really the question itself, but the fact that I had spent hours thinking about what would happen once we reached the last station, and not daring to ask the question for fear of the answer. But here it was... the issue now on the table.

\- "I don't know... What do you plan to do from now on?"

\- "I... well..." - she hesitated for a moment - "to be with you."

I quickly looked at her, realising that she was smiling. And that confused me, I didn't know if she was joking or what the hell she was smiling at.

\- "Really?"

\- "Of course! What did you think, Juls? Unless... you already want to get rid of me?"

\- "No!" - I was quick to say - "It's just that... well... I didn't know what your plans would be when we finished the route."

\- "I have no plans... But I am sure that I want to continue with you."

I couldn't help but smile as my heartbeat slowed to a fairly normal rate, feeling calmer.

\- "Then we should get out of here as soon as possible to find a hotel while we decide."

\- "Yes... I think I should get out of this bed before I fall asleep again."

I tried to get up, to put the tray on the table and allow her to get off the bed.

\- "Hey, hey, hey!" - She stopped me grabbing my arm - "And my kiss?"

Without a single second's hesitation, I leaned over her and kissed her gently, trying to be sweet and careful. But I was surprised to feel her tongue trying to break through. I didn't stop her though... I opened my lips and allowed our tongues to play with passion, raising the temperature of the room with each movement and confirming if we continued like this, it would be very difficult for me to stop. Seconds later we ran out of oxygen and were forced to pause and catch our breath.

\- "I see you've regained strength," - I said smiling as she brought our foreheads together.

\- "You are my strength, Juliana."

After that phrase, which meant more to me than she could possibly imagine, we remained silent for a few seconds, enjoying the moment when our eyes met. That moment had the ability to eliminate everything around us.

When I had enjoyed the view for a while, though it never really seemed like enough to me, I pulled away and reached out to help her out of bed.

I received a grateful smile that was quickly surpassed by a movement of her hand grabbing her head, as she closed her eyes. My instincts made me rush to hold her, afraid she might fall at any moment.

\- "What's wrong?" - I asked very worried - "Are you okay?"

A few seconds of silence seemed eternal, before she looked up again drawing a soft smile, which I am sure was more to reassure me than for any other reason.

\- "I think I got up too fast."

\- "You should sit for a while just in case."

\- "I'm fine, really," - she said caressing my cheek. - "Don't worry."

\- "You are stubborn, Valentina!"

Although my statement was very serious, she smiled and placed a small kiss on my lips before finally leaving me to go to the bathroom.

I stayed in the same position for a few minutes, watching the door that had closed behind her. It was completely impossible for me to remove the concern that settled in my chest every time I saw her with discomfort, no matter how small... Maybe I'm exaggerating and she was just dizzy from getting up quickly, but I'm sorry... my heart skips a beat when something reminds me that one day I'll lose her.

I can't be like this, I can't jump every time something happens or be paralysed by fear. But really, I feel it's inevitable. No matter how strong I want to appear, and even though she has told me that I am her strength. If someone gives strength... I am sure that it is her to me, and not the other way around.

As she finishes whatever she is doing in there, I decide to start picking up some things that are scattered around the room and put them in her suitcase. I don't want to rummage too much, but I suppose it will be a good idea to get ahead of the work now so later we can stop by my room to collect my things.

Then it happened again. I hear that same horrible cough as the day before coming from inside the bathroom. I pause my task for a moment hoping it will stop soon. I don't want to ask her again if she's okay, I don't want to be paranoid and upset her with my fear. So, I try to anchor myself to my place and ignore the instinct screaming from my chest telling me to go to her.

Suddenly, I hear a loud bang coming from the bathroom and within a matter of seconds, pulled by some invisible force, I find myself at the door. I open it immediately and feel my heart stop at the image in front of me.

\- "Valentina!!" - I scream, kneeling next to her and slightly raising her head while giving small taps to her face, trying to make her react. But she doesn't react... Not to my calls, not to my blows, not to my tears that have started to fall on her face. I don't know what to do, I am completely desperate and my body is suffering from a strange paralysis.

\- "Valentina, please... wake up!" - I beg, patting her face - "My love! Wake up!!"

There is no answer. I don't know what is happening. Why can't I move? My body prevents me from leaving her and my mind has gone to a place that I cannot escape.

 _'What if... What if she is...? No!!!_ I tell myself, _'She Is not dead! I can still feel her heartbeat and her slow breathing.'_

At last, my body reacts and I rush out for help. I don't even know where I'm going, the train is practically empty and the only thing I can think of is to start yelling for an ambulance, but nobody understands me... ' _Oh my God! Don't you see my despair? Someone do something or I don't know what I'm capable of!'_

But nobody pays any attention to me, they do not understand my words and simply watch my gestures bewildered. After sending everyone to hell, I run back to the room and decide to do the only thing I can do in such a situation.

My body intends to paralyse again when I see her in the same position, but my heart pumps with such force that it prevents it and gives me enough courage to kneel and with all the delicacy that despair allows me, I pass one of her arms around my neck and with a strength I did not know I possessed, I carried her in my arms as fast as I could.

Once in the corridor I screamed again for an ambulance. This time, having an unconscious girl in my arms seemed to be enough for them to understand, because ten minutes later, I hear the siren of an ambulance getting closer and closer.

I don't know where I got the strength to finally get off the train, after having spent those ten minutes completely static, without lowering her body from my arms or letting anyone get close to her. But as soon as I heard the siren of the ambulance, I rushed out and gave her to the paramedics, who asked many questions I could not understand.

My thoughts were frantic, my heart was beating desperately in my chest while my eyes cried helplessly. I could not digest that twenty minutes ago she was kissing me, and now she was like this... unconscious, on a stretcher, inside an ambulance speeding towards a hospital. The minutes seemed eternal as I held her motionless hand, wet with my tears.

I felt the ambulance stop and in a matter of seconds, our hands were parted. I tried to run after the stretcher as the doctors hurried her onto the hospital, but I was stopped by security... no matter how much I struggled, screamed, cried, and even insulted them, they would not let me through.

Now I was in the waiting room of the hospital, completely lost, not knowing what to do or who to turn to.

\- "Please!" - I begged approaching the reception desk. - "Where did they take her?"

The lady on the other side of the counter said something in Russian, which of course I did not understand.

\- "Valentina!! The girl they just brought in! Where did they take her?" - I screamed desperately.

The woman repeated the same words as before, this time in a slightly louder tone of voice and making hand gestures that made me even more nervous.

Only one thing was clear right now, we were immersed in a discussion in which we spoke completely different languages and did not understand anything the other said.

So, tired of not receiving any answers, I decided to find out what had happened to her myself. I went to the huge door Valentina had been taken through and as I was about to enter, I was grabbed by two security guards, who also only spoke the language that I was beginning to hate.

\- "Let me go!" - I screamed - "Fuck!! Leave me alone!! Where is Valentina?"

\- "What's going on here?" - A female voice intervened just as those gorillas were about to kick me out.

\- "Please help me!! - I begged through tears - "I don't understand anyone, I don't know where she is, I just want to know if she's okay!"

After looking at me for a few seconds, the woman, dressed in a white coat, spoke a few words in Russian that were enough for the brutes to instantly let go of me.

\- "What is your name?" - she asked as I rubbed my own wrists trying to get the circulation going again.

\- "Juliana."

\- "Okay Juliana, I'm Doctor García. Tell me what happened."

\- "Valentina... they took her... please, I just want to know how she is."

\- "You can't go in there, you have to wait here for news."

\- But I don't understand anyone, they haven't told me anything... I need to be by her side."

\- "Juliana, if the doctors took your friend into that room it is for her own good, you have nothing to fear... she's in good hands. But you should calm down because you are about to have a panic attack!"

\- "No, no, no... I won't be calm until I know she is okay."

\- "Well... let's do this... I will go in and speak to my colleagues to enquire about the patient's condition, as soon as I have news I will come and personally inform you, but you have to promise me that you will calm down and you will not give them any reason to throw you out again."

For the first time, I stopped my nervous movements and looked in the doctor's eyes, with the intention of confirming her words were true. I didn't find any hint of lies or deception. So, as my breathing calmed down as the oxygen reached my lungs, I nodded in agreement.

\- "Okay... But please... be quick."

\- "I will come back as soon as I have news, don't worry."

After a smile, which I could not respond to, the doctor disappeared through those enormous doors that minutes before Valentina had been taken through. I could not do anything but sit and wait, feeling an emptiness settling in my desperate heart.

\- "Please, she has to be okay." _-_ I begged through tears. I don't understand how this could have happened from one moment to the next, an hour ago everything was perfect as I watched her sleep peacefully and now, I am here, sitting in a hospital waiting room, with a heavy heart and praying that I will see her again.

Many years ago, I promised myself I would never feel like this again, wishing that I were the one in a hospital bed instead of someone else. And despite everything, as much as I clung to that idea, no matter how long I closed my heart... she had easily managed to open it and worst of all, she had settled there so comfortably as no one had ever done before.

I am a completely stupid! I knew this could happen at any moment, from the moment I met her, and yet... here I am... ' _Please Valentina. Don't leave me, not yet... please!'_

Minutes passed that seemed like hours, or maybe they were hours... The truth is that I looked at the wall clock every two seconds and no matter how much I wished, time did not move faster.

\- "Juliana..."

I heard a familiar voice in the distance. I raised my head a bit disoriented, observing through my watery eyes that the voice was not as far away as I thought. It took me a few seconds to recognise the doctor who had helped me minutes before.

\- "How is Valentina?" - I asked, getting up quickly and grabbing her arms with more force than intended.

\- "You have to calm down," - she sentenced seriously.

I quickly let go of the doctor's arms, bringing my hand to my head and trying to control my nerves.

\- "I'm sorry... I... I'm desperate... please tell me how she is."

\- "Valentina is already conscious Juliana, when I went in to see what was happening my colleagues had already managed to restore consciousness. It took me a little longer to come back because they asked me to speak to her, I'm the only person who speaks Spanish in this hospital so they gave me her case."

When I heard the doctor's first sentence, my heart began to normalise its desperate beats and I suddenly felt how the knot that had formed in my chest, eased slightly allowing the oxygen to fill my lungs. I couldn't help but put both hands on my head, sighing and thanking God, the Universe or whoever else was out there.

\- "Can I see her?"

\- "Your name was the first thing she said when she opened her eyes and she has not stopped asking for you since. So, as soon as they finish giving her the medications you can enter."

\- "Thank you!" - I said, grabbing her hands, trying to apologise for my nervousness. She simply smiled as she stared at me, giving me the impression that she had something else to say.

\- "Juliana, do you know what is happening to Valentina?"

\- "Yes." - I replied, looking down slightly.

\- "And are you prepared to deal with it? I mean... She has a very complicated tumour, which she does not want to treat. These blackouts will occur more and more frequently until one is definitive."

My eyes became crystalline again.

\- "If she accepted treatment, it would extend her time and quality of life, although the possibility of a definitive cure is very low... But if not, if she does not accept treatment... at any moment she could die. I have been talking about this with her for almost half an hour and nothing will change her mind but... I don't know if you're going to be able to cope with this, I don't think you're aware or ready."

\- "I'm not..." I accepted after a sigh. - "I thought I was... but I'm not ready to lose her."

The doctor stood looking at me in silence, while I clenched my jaw tightly trying to control my tears.

\- "Please... I need to see her!" - I begged.

Without saying anything else, she nodded her head and motioned for me to follow her as we made our way to Valentina's room.

Once there, she opened the door allowing me to enter. I quickly wiped away the tears that had fallen from my eyes and with a deep sigh, I gathered the necessary strength to enter the room.

As I entered, I observed how the back of the bed was tilted upward, allowing her body to be practically seated as she looked out the window. My heart despaired once I saw her, trying to make me understand once and for all that she was the only reason it was beating so fast. My hands were sweating nervously and my body went static, with the same shyness that you feel when you see the person you like for the first time.

The sound of the door closing brought me out of my daze and made her turn and realise my presence. I felt the world quake under my feet the moment I saw her beautiful smile, the one that for a while, I didn't think I would ever see again. I made a superhuman effort to hold back the tears and the desire to collapse in her arms, trying to bring out the hardness that I had always shown.

\- "Hi." - she said with great tenderness.

\- "Hey..." - I answered, as I approached her unable to avoid her smile that made me forget everything. I sat next to her on the bed, facing her while stroking her face, with my trembling hands. - "How are you feeling?"

\- "Better... the medications seem to have given me more energy, I am not as tired now."

A sudden silence took hold of the situation, as we stared at each other. _'God... For a moment I thought I would never see that look again!'_

\- "I'm sorry..." - she whispered as she watched me intensely.

\- "You have nothing to be sorry for Val."

\- "I'm sorry I made you cry." - She repeated, caressing my eyes gently.

I lowered my gaze, trying to hide myself, with the sole intention of not being so obvious to her. But it was impossible... as much as I wanted to hide, I could not hide anything from her. In the few days we have spent together she already knows me better than anyone ever has.

\- "I... I was very scared!" - I finally admitted.

\- "I'm here, Juls." - she took my hand - "It's over."

\- "It isn't over Val... Yes, you are fine now, but this will happen again and it will be more and more frequent, until one day... until one day you won't wake up."

\- "You were talking to the doctor, weren't you?"

\- "Yes."

\- "I'm aware of all that, Juls... And you knew it too."

\- "Just knowing it does not make it less painful, Valentina... I can try not to think about the future, I can live each day with you as if it were the last. But when I saw you unconscious... I was not able to bear it, I thought I was going to lose you and the idea killed me... I will not be able to do this, Valentina, I will not be able to live without you."

\- "My love listen to me," - she said, grabbing my cheeks so that I would look into her eyes.

\- "You can delay it, Valentina! If you accept treatment, you could have a better quality of life and more time."

\- "That decision has already been made," - she sentenced, directing her gaze to the other side.

\- "And since it's already made, nothing can make you change your mind?"

\- "No!"

Her answer pierced my heart like a sharp knife and made me rise quickly from the bed, the pain in my chest suddenly turned to anger.

\- "Then don't ever say you love me again!" - she quickly looked at me, making me understand that my outburst had hurt her as much as her previous answer had hurt me. Her gaze, once weak, now turned glassy, making it clear that tears were beginning to form.

\- "Do you think I don't love you? Do you think I would not give everything I have if there were a slight chance I could spend a long life with you? Do you think I wouldn't give up everything to be with you? Because if you really think that... then you don't know me!"

\- "The only thing I see is that they are offering you the opportunity to live longer and not suffer in this way, that you still have a chance of being cured and you are not able to accept it because of a decision you made before... And what you say you feel for me, is not enough to make you fight... you want to give up!"

\- "Fuck Juliana!! Are you not able to understand that I do not want to suffer or make you suffer more? I don't want to be useless, or become a nuisance, I don't want you to see how radiation therapy destroys my body or makes my hair fall out, while my body stops working and you have to carry me to the bathroom... I don't want your last memory of me to be of a girl feeling sorry for herself... I want you to remember these days, in which our days have been filled with life. I want your memories of me to produce only happiness, not sorrow."

\- "If you think that at some point you could be a hindrance to me, then you are the one who does not know me! I'm so stupid!" - I said smiling wryly, while the uncontrollable tears did not stop - "Because at some point I came to believe that my love could change things... but it is not like that... and... I'm very sorry Valentina, but a short time ago I was praying that God would put me in that bed so you would get out of it... because I've realised that I am not strong enough to cope with this."

Her gaze, which had not left me and allowed me to see that I was not the only one crying, was now directed towards the window, trying to escape.

\- "I need to be alone, Juliana... Please go!"

Without saying anything else, trying to control the anger that had taken hold of me at that moment, I opened the door but before leaving I allowed my anger to take over my words.

\- "I am not going to stay and watch you die Valentina!" - I sentenced leaving and slamming the door.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG! Hard to read? 😭 
> 
> This was really hard to translate.
> 
> It is hard to know how you would react to a situation like that. Valentina has accepted her fate but Juliana is angry she won't fight. I think I side with Juliana on this one! What do you think?


	11. 11. Put everything aside and say what you feel

I knew all the words I had just said were from anger and helplessness. The pain I had felt earlier when I thought I had lost her was stronger than any other feeling and did not allow me to react differently.

\- "I don't want to fucking lose her!" - I screamed at the freezing cold that had invaded the streets around the hospital. - "Is that so hard to understand?"

\- "She is not responsible for those things," - replied a familiar voice.

I quickly turned around, meeting the famous Dr. Garcia, who was expelling the smoke from the cigarette she had between her fingers.

\- "So, who is responsible?"

\- "I ask myself that every time I see a patient die in the operating room and I still have not received an answer. So, if you find out... I would appreciate if you'd let me know."

\- "I don't think it's the same to see a patient die as..." - I lowered my eyes doubtfully. - "someone who is important to you."

\- "No... it's not the same. But I want to tell you Juliana, nobody is responsible for these things and you cannot carry a weight on your shoulders that does not belong to you."

\- "What are we supposed to be then? Puppets? Simple puppets at the mercy of fate, who one day decides to give you the greatest happiness you've ever known and the next day takes it away from you?"

\- "You can see it like that... or you can simply be grateful for being lucky enough to feel that happiness."

\- "I don't care about my happiness!" - I screamed feeling my eyes water again. - "Is no one able to understand that? It's not fair! It's not fair that something like this is happening to a someone like her. You don't know her... but that girl, she may have a terminal illness, but she is the most life loving person in this world... Why is she giving up now? Why can't I do anything?"

\- "She's not giving up Juliana... She made a respectable decision. As a doctor, I would love for her to want to be treated and extend her life. But she wants to live this way and you have to accept it."

I could not prevent an ironic smile from escaping me - "I don't think there is anyone in this world who admires and respects Valentina more than I do... In just a few days she has given my life a 180-degree turn. Everything I had, everything I was, means absolutely nothing after meeting her, after everything I have experienced with her. But she cannot ask me to accept this, she cannot ask me to resign myself to lose her, not now that..."

\- "No one is asking you for anything Juliana. You are the one who must weigh up your options and decide what means more... your love for her... or your fear of suffering. You will suffer, that is obvious, but can you live the rest of your life knowing you did not stay with the woman you love because you were afraid of pain? Because you already feel the pain... and you will continue to feel it, but if you leave... you will carry it with you for the rest of your life. You should take advantage of this time with her, or you may regret it."

I remained silent for a few seconds, looking straight ahead while trying to protect my hands from the cold and considering the doctor's words, but I could still feel the anger and helplessness that had taken over me.

\- "How did you know that...?"

\- "What? That you are in love with her? - she interrupted. - "Fear is vulnerability and vulnerability is love, if you weren't deeply in love, you wouldn't be so afraid of losing her. Only you know what weighs more, fear? Or love? If you will allow me to give you some advice... I think you are very lucky to have found a person who loves you as much as you love her. There are human beings who live for many years and never find it. Maybe you should assess that before it's too late!"

This time, I forced myself to meet the doctor's gaze, but didn't say anything. I wasn't able to utter a word, because right now all I wanted to do was argue and refute her ideas. But in this case... it was impossible to argue, I knew in my heart that she was absolutely right.

\- "I have to get back to work... I'm leaving you so you can think. But remember, every minute you waste doing so, is another minute you could be taking advantage of."

'What am I supposed to think about?' I wonder as the doctor left me alone. I have no doubt about my feelings for Valentina. Not after this morning, when I found her unconscious and felt my life slipping away with hers. I still find it hard to believe that all this has happened in such a short time, like a movie or a soap opera, but the difference being, those fairy tales end with a happily ever after, and in this case, 'forever' does not exist.

What weighs more, Juliana? Love or fear? Because this is no longer about Valentina being sick and being afraid of losing her... that's a reality. I am afraid of not being able to live without her now. I am already suffering. But as the doctor said, what is stronger... the desire to spend every last minute with her? Or do I allow the fear of what is going to happen, prevent me from enjoying the time we have left? Could I continue to travel and write, knowing that the love of my life is still alive somewhere in the world?

Maybe the cold has frozen my thoughts, or the fact that I have spent the last hour walking around under this icy sky has clouded my thoughts a bit. But there is one thing that is clear, my brain and neurons may be frozen but it allows me to realise that there is one organ that does not stop working... my heart.

Fear does not prevent my heart from beating. This heart, with just a look, a caress or even when I simply think about her, accelerates in an uncontrollable way, confirming my fear is irrelevant. It doesn't matter where I am or what I am doing, everything that has happened in my life, all the paths I travelled have brought me here.

Do I still feel like a puppet at the mercy of fate? What nonsense we come up with when we are hurt. How selfish we human beings can be. Always thinking about our own problems and screaming that life is unfair when something does not happen the way we expected or believed. Life may be unfair, we may have to live things that we would rather change, but we lose the right to complain when the Universe offers us the most valuable thing that exists in this life and we allow it to slip away.

I'm not going to be a puppet anymore! Fate wanted me to meet her, for some reason it decided to put her on my path. But now... now I am the one who will decide.

This is the moment I realise how important the universe, fate or destiny has been in my life. I now appreciate the writing crisis I have been enduring for months. I am grateful that the book 'Aleph' made its way into my hands and how it inspired me to take this adventure across Siberia. I am thankful I was guided to that lonely carriage that morning... Now, for the first time, I thank the universe for allowing me to cross paths with that girl, that crazy and cheeky, sweet and childish, innocent and rebellious, strong but weak girl. I thank the universe for the moment in which our eyes first met and my heart knew there was no escape.

Maybe the plan was to get me here and make me realise that I'm not as tough as I thought. But no, this isn't going to end here.

Whatever fate has planned for her, I will be there, until the very end. I am tired of following a script.

Now I am the one who is taking control, I will write my own script for this life, I make my own decisions now. And my one and only decision is... Valentina Carvajal.

Once again, I lost track of time wandering the streets of a city that I don't even know. My body seems to have gotten used to the cold. I don't know how long I was away or how far I walked, but all I know is that I am back at the hospital.

I slowly make my way back to her room. The room I had stormed out of a while ago, upset, hurt and angry. Leaving the only thing that I really care about inside.

I quietly open the door while my heart is pounding inside my chest at the thought of seeing her. I don't know what I am going to say... maybe I should let her speak, right?

I am surprised to discover the room is empty and I cannot prevent a bad feeling from settling in my chest. But before the bad thoughts take over my brain, I decide to go in search of the only person who can give me an explanation.

\- "Doctor!" - I shout when I see her coming down the corridor.

\- "Juliana? What are you still doing here?"

\- "What am I doing here?" - I asked surprised - "Where do you want me to be? Where is Valentina?"

\- "You don't know? She left."

Those words made my whole world stop for a moment, while my brain tried to process them and find a reasonable meaning.

\- "How... how could she leave? That can't be right! Where did she go?"

\- "I don't know Juliana, she asked to be discharged and left something for you on the bed. I thought you would have read it by now and had time to stop her. Where have you been?"

Without answering, I turned away from the talking doctor and ran back into the room to find what she had left for me. Hoping there would be some clue or explanation of what was happening. And there it was, a small notebook, resting on the pillow. It looked familiar, it was exactly like the one she had bought the day before. The one she had convinced me to write the beginning of our story. I knew it couldn't be the same notebook as it was still on the train with the rest of our belongings. So, without a moment's hesitation, I opened the first page to find a handwritten note:

_My love Forgive Me._

_Forgive me for not understanding you, for wanting to drag you into my craziness without thinking about what you might feel afterwards. The only thing I have tried since I met you has been to open your heart, to teach you to live intensely. I did not plan for this to happen, I did not plan to fall in love with you. But it happened. And that is why I cannot stand the idea of making you suffer._

_I want you to know that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, Juliana. You may be sad or angry right now and not see it, but I can only thank fate for crossing our paths and for allowing me to live these days with you. Everything has happened so fast that it seems unbelievable or even surreal... At least it is for the rest of the world. But not for me... not for us. Because we feel it._

_I know you... and I know you will return. In fact, if you're reading this, it's because you did. But I can't wait for you. I love you Juls, I love you with all my heart. But I cannot force you to stay by my side and live what you are so afraid of._

_Tomorrow I go home... I have already lived the greatest adventure I ever dreamed of. When I embarked on this journey, I did not think that this was going to happen, that in a few days I would find the person I have been wishing to meet for so many years. And I am so grateful... I cannot ask any more of the Universe. You filled my days with life... and I will always thank you for that._

_Don't ever change Juls, don't ever close your heart again. Let the world see who you are, what you are worth, let everyone meet the girl I fell in love with. Continue our story, fight for your dream, never give up, believe in yourself, live... and above all, always remember with a smile this crazy woman who managed to show you that you have no limits._

_The world is yours... I believe in you._

_I love you,_

_Valentina_

My tears escaped continuously, splashing on the notebook in my hands, while I fell back onto the bed in which she had slept a few hours ago.

She left... she left without giving me time to tell her how I feel. She knew that I would return when I calmed down, and yet she still decided to leave anyway. I lost the only person I care about in this entire world because I was afraid of losing her. How ironic life is, sometimes.

My heart is racing and trying to tell me something. The most curious thing about this whole situation is that after so many mistakes, after listening to my brain so many times, I have learned the language of my heartbeat and I know exactly what it is asking of me.

\- "I don't know where you are right now Valentina, I don't know where you went... but I will not give up!"

I run out of the room again, bypassing the doctors in the corridor as I race towards the only place I know she could be.

I don't know the way back to the train station, I don't even know if the Trans-Siberian has already left on its return to Moscow, taking all our belongings with it. But that is not going to stop me.

I stop the first taxi I can find and try to make myself understood in quite limited English. For the first time it seems that the language will not be a problem, and in a matter of seconds I am on my way to my destination.

The journey was quite short, although my nerves may have accelerated everything. I quickly got out of the taxi and sprinted to the room we had shared for the last two nights.

The door was ajar, implying that she could be inside. So, after taking a deep breath and preparing myself once more for whatever she was going to say, I stepped into the room, but to my disappointment it was completely empty.

I glanced around, making sure no one was there. I approached the bathroom and felt my heart accelerate when I remembered the image of her laying there just a few hours ago. But not even that image could stop me this time. I shook my head trying to dispel any bad thoughts and went back to the centre of the room. I observed the unmade bed and resting on it, a notebook identical to the one I had in my hands. I opened it, and like minutes before, I discovered a small handwritten note stuck to the first page of the story we had written together the day before.

_Continue it._

\- "How do you always know exactly what steps I'm going to take, Valentina?" - I ask as if she were really going to answer.

I don't want to keep thinking about the ways this girl is able to read my mind and how she knows exactly what I'm going to do before I do it. The only thing that matters now is that she was here... I don't know how long ago, but she came to collect her things and now...

\- "Where are you?"

You knew I would get this far, didn't you? But when I didn't find you on the train, you thought I would give up! Well, I don't know how I'm going to do it my love, but this time you are going to be the one surprised because I'm not going to give up... Not now!

\- "But... you're going to have to give me a hand!" - I stated while looking up towards the sky.

If anyone asked me how in that moment I decided on my next steps, I wouldn't know how to answer... A hunch maybe? Intuition? Whatever it was, after collecting my almost forgotten computer and a few other belongings, I made my way to Vladivostok airport, not really knowing where I was going but for the first time, I had a fixed destination.

\- "When does the first flight to Mexico leave?" - I asked as soon as I reached the information desk.

The lady on the other side of the desk looked at me like I had two heads, so I tried again, this time in English. - "The first flight to Mexico!"

From the beginning of this story, I have explained that my English is quite poor. But luckily, those five words were enough for her understand, and she quickly began to type into her computer before directing a string of words towards me that left me completely confused.

Okay! Just because I was able to organize a few words into a sentence with some meaning does not mean I could understand the tongue twister she just fired at me.

My confused face must have been enough to explain that I had not understood a word, trying her best to communicate with me, she turned her computer screen towards me allowing me to see what she had tried to tell me.

The itineraries of two different flights were displayed on the screen. The first, was a direct flight leaving tomorrow for the International Airport of Mexico in Mexico City. The second, left for Mexico City today but it made a stopover in Moscow. It was a long and boring trip but it would arrive before the direct one.

I hesitated for a few seconds, trying to decide which one to buy, the flight with a stopover, left in just over an hour and I would have a long journey ahead of me.

In her note, Valentina said she was leaving for Mexico tomorrow, that may mean she is on the direct flight. What should I do?

My heart dictated the answer and with a simple gesture I indicated my decision to the lady.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas!!   
> 🎅🏼🤶🏻🌲☃️❄️🕯


	12. 12. Fill your days with life

An hour later I am flying through the skies of Russia, heading towards Moscow. I knew this would be a long journey and I'm still not really sure why I decided to choose the longer route. It will take approximately fourteen hours to reach Mexico City. I am used to traveling, no matter the type of transport. At any other time, a whole day on board a plane would have seemed like torture. But now... every mile travelled, despite moving away from her, meant moving closer to my dream.

I can't help asking myself thousands of questions as the plane flies over the cities I visited in recent days. Maybe I should have taken the same flight as her. What if she changed her mind and decides to keep traveling instead of going home? If she doesn't return to Mexico, I will have no way of finding her again. Maybe a part of me wanted to test fate one more time. But if all this has taught me something, it is that things happen for a reason, and as _'The Alchemist'_ said, ' _when your heart truly desires something, the whole universe conspires to help you achieve it.'_

For a moment, I stare at the small bag that carries my computer, while trying to remember the last time I used it. Aware that I have many hours of travel ahead of me, I decide to try my luck at writing. Surely it would be a good idea to keep my mind occupied with something and see how inspired I am after everything that happened. I open the bag to find a little surprise, one I had almost forgotten about...

The song, that she herself had begun to write and I decided to continue. Within a few seconds, the memory of her beautiful voice comes to mind. My skin bristles with the memory causing a sigh but ending with a smile. Intriguingly while I am reading, I realise that each stanza reflects a part of our story. A story that does not yet have an ending, just like this song. The words quickly formed in my mind and I scrambled for the piece of paper to arrange my thoughts.

And before I knew it, we were landing in Moscow.

A good feeling came over me as I walked through the airport, a feeling of fulfilment that I have never felt before. The feeling of knowing that I am heading towards my dream and nothing can stop me, knowing that at the end of this journey I will finally have what I want so much. That spark is what I have been looking for so many years. There is a comfort in knowing that I am following the commands of my heart and that simple fact will allow me to achieve what I so desperately want.

I am not the best person to give advice, but I would dare you to try it sometime... to feel so full of life witnessing how things begin to fit together perfectly when you are focused on what you really want.

I once read that life was full of magical moments, unexpected moments that occurred throughout the day, when the Universe gave us the opportunity to change the things that made us unhappy. That magic can be found the moment you wake up, when your feet hit the floor as you get out of bed, or the moment you put the key in the lock when you get home. Or you could find it in the gaze of someone you meet on the way to work, to school, to university... It doesn't matter how old you are or what your life is like, if there is a void, if you feel that something is not going your way, change it! Only you can make that decision, after all, to live is to experiment, not to ponder the meaning of life.

Valentina taught me that people meet when they need to meet and that life is like the Trans-Siberian... We all travel on a train with the intention of reaching a station. But sometimes we do not realise that the journey consists of enjoying the different stops and the people who constantly get on and off... and the beauty when you realise that life is the train... not the station.

I am not a famous writer, nor a great philosopher, I am no more knowledgeable than any of you and of course my intention is not to teach anything to anyone. With these words I simply try to show you a little more about myself, about a simple girl who thought she knew what she wanted until another simple girl came to completely change her world.

How is that possible? How can I have fallen in love with a woman without ever having noticed another before?

The paradoxes of life... one day the universe decides that the path you are traveling is not the right one and sends a signal to change your direction. It is often difficult for us to understand these signals at first, one of human beings' biggest faults is the fear of change. But do we ever stop to think how we will never get to where we want to go if we continue to stay in the same place? I didn't know how to understand those signs either. But then she appeared... a woman with blue eyes and an angel face who told me: 'I believe in you.'

And this simple girl who aspires to be a writer wondered... What difference does it make that she's a woman?

I have never been the type of person who cares about what the rest of the world thinks. I am aware that there are still many people unable to accept a relationship like ours. But I am also sure if I were different, if I worried what others thought of me, she would have managed to change that too. For there is no force more powerful than love, and at the end of the day... it is the stronger than anything else.

I save the file and close my computer when the hostess announces we are about to land in Mexico City. Thank God language is no longer an impediment. My beloved Spanish... how I have missed you!

As expected, twenty-three hours have passed since I left Vladivostok. The flight from Moscow was spent sleeping and writing.

I walk through the Juárez International airport, with the feeling of having travelled back in time. With the time difference it is sixteen hours earlier than in Vladivostok, therefore it is exactly 6:00 a.m. Before heading to a coffee shop for some breakfast and my daily dose of caffeine, I make my way to one of the flight information screens and scan the arrivals for Val's flight.

 **Flight** : UX6070  
 **Origin** : Vladivostok (Russia)  
 **Estimated** **time** : 8:00 a.m. (On time)

\- "Okay good... I did not arrive late!" - I mutter to myself, as I feel my tranquillity begin to fade, and a powerful nervousness starts to take hold – _'Okay Juliana, you need to focus and recharge, you need an energy boost before you fall asleep in a corner!'_

With that thought in mind, I make my way to one of the coffee shops inside the airport. I sit down to enjoy a delicious coffee from my home country. I'm sorry to say it... but in Russia you cannot find coffee as pure as in Mexico! With this coffee you can feel your brain being stimulated as the liquid goes down your throat.

I feel like I have so much energy now, as if someone has recharged my battery for hours. I feel euphoric, nervous, and anxious. My heart is beating so hard that if I didn't understand what was happening, I would think I was about to have a heart attack. Her plane is about to land and I hurry to the waiting area. After spending almost two hours walking through the shops of this airport, I realised that airports are like shopping centres, you can buy whatever you need, although everything will cost you twice as much.

Okay, I'm here... don't panic Juliana! You didn't take a fourteen-hour flight to stand here shaking. Legs, hands, stomach, even eyelashes are trembling at this moment. I am so nervous, anyone would think that I was about to propose marriage.

\- "I need eleven volunteers, please!" - I say addressing the people who are also waiting for passengers to arrive.

Okay... I think I lost my shame somewhere along the way. Ah... it must have been the moment a madwoman convinced me to steal a dress or when we bathed in a freezing lake in the middle of the night.

Some of the people present look at me without flinching, many suspicious of my intentions while others completely ignored me. But my stubbornness is greater and I will not give up.

\- "You see..." - I tried again while positioning myself in the centre of the crowd. - "The love of my life arrives on that plane. I need your help to get her to forgive me and show her that she is the most important person in my life!"

The men and women continued to watch me for a few more seconds, I suppose they were waiting to see if there was a hidden camera somewhere or if at any moment men in white coats would arrive and put me in a straitjacket before taking me away. But when neither of those things happened and I was about to ask for the third time, eleven people stood up with smiles on their faces and approached me for instructions.

With each one in place, I could only wait for her to arrive. Okay, I admit... waiting is not my thing. My stomach was struggling with the coffee and half a sandwich I had eaten earlier, churning them like a centrifuge.

The moment arrived... the doors opened giving way to the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. The only one responsible for me standing here, holding a guitar and the last of the twelve roses, in my sweaty, trembling hands.

Her downcast gaze and expression of sadness were transformed into surprise, when she discovered a line of people right in front of her, she did not know any of them and yet each one of them handed her a rose...

1st... 2nd... 3rd... 4th... 5th... 6th...

The moment was coming and with it the expectation increased, she was close, very close... and my heart was thumping so strong it prevented me from hearing what was happening around me.

7th... 8th... 9th...

It's here... almost...

10th... 11th...

And here it is...

Her previously sad gaze blazed with blinding brilliance as she stared at me still incredulous. My eyes became crystalline and my heart kept pounding at full speed, making the rest of the world disappear once again, the noise did not exist, time vanished. I only cared about her gaze, that blue gaze, the one responsible for the revolution happening inside me.

There were probably thousands of eyes fixed on us right now, but that no longer mattered... I feel like I am at the Aleph, the point where everything is in the same place at the same time. Everything I need, I have in front of me, everything is happening now.

So, with a nervous smile, aware that words are unnecessary, I gave her the 12th and final rose and began to play some chords on the guitar and in the only way I know how, I explain why I'm here...

♬ _"And I will live the moments_  
 _That for years I have protected,_  
 _I think it's time to take risks_  
 _To put everything aside and say what I feel;_  
 _Now I have found you,_  
 _I will not weep for my past again,_  
 _If I have you,_  
 _The next stop will be my destination._  
 _It will be you and me_  
 _And a place for two._  
 _It's call love._  
 _So stay... right here... with me."_ ♬

When I finished singing, her gaze remained fixed on mine for a few eternal seconds, her face did not express anything and her lips did not articulate a single word. But her eyes radiated a light, giving me the strength to continue. I carefully set the guitar down and took her hands in mine, realising that the uncontrollable shaking wasn't uniquely mine. Here she is, the strong and crazy girl I fell in love with, her vulnerable body invaded by tremors.

And for the first time, my heart decided that this time, I was the only one who should speak.

\- "Forgive me." - I said, as I gazed into her eyes - "Forgive my fears, forgive my doubts... I'm sorry if you ever felt that my fear was greater than everything else."

\- "Juls, I..." - she tried to say, as her eyes became more and more crystalline.

\- "No... Let me finish please... Let me say everything I should have told you a long time ago. This is not about fear Valentina... I did not come here to tell you that I am no longer afraid of losing you... It hurts, it breaks my heart to think that one day you will no longer be with me and it scares me... it scares me not knowing how to live without you after having met you. But I put that fear on a scale and its weight became a feather compared to the other feeling."

Her face expressed confusion, as I tried to articulate and explain such a simple thing.

\- "I love you!" - I continued - "I love you as I never thought I would love anyone and I am not here to ask you to stay with me... I am here to tell you, that from this moment, I will be with you... Until the end. Because here, in front of all these people, I promise you that you will have a beautiful life. It will not be the same as other women, but it will be a life you can be proud of, where you will not lack love. From the moment we met, you have taught me to live and filled me with happiness... That is why I promise you that from now on... I will fill your days with life. We will do what we always dreamed of, we will live as we always wanted and we will be together until the last moment. I will respect your decisions and I will never abandon you... I will make you the happiest woman in the world Valentina."

Tears were already beginning to run desperately down her cheeks.

\- "I don't want you to suffer, Juliana... I would never forgive myself."

\- "Listen to me, my love." - I said while gently cradling her face and encouraging her look into my eyes - "There is nothing in this world that can give me the happiness that you have given me... I can only thank you for coming into my life and sharing this journey with me, for showing me how to live and for all you have awakened within me."

Her eyes, like mine, were completely bathed in tears. It is true that we are both afraid, it is true that from now on we will have to live many difficult moments, moments of tireless struggle when we feel like we can no longer endure, but together we will keep going. Looking into her innocent eyes, I can feel the courage she radiates. Those eyes will give me the strength to lift her as many times as necessary and never give up.

\- "I love you, Juliana."

Hearing those wonderful words, and feeling them settle in my heart, filling all the empty spaces. I finally decided to shorten the distance between us and press my lips against hers. Showing her with a kiss that fear was no longer an issue.

From now on, we would spend our days like it was our last, each kiss, each caress, each intense look, each unique moment, each magical moment... and each day would be full of life, but most of all... love.

\- "I love you."  
  


**_'One day you will wake up to find that you no longer have time to do what you dreamed of. The time is now. Take action.'_ **   
**_\- Paulo Coelho -_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😭
> 
> Only the Epilogue to go.
> 
> Thanks for following the story.


	13. 13. Epilogue

** FIVE YEARS LATER **

It is quite possible that my hand fell asleep from writing the same words so many times. I feel a tingling that runs through my hands and up to my elbow. I try shaking it, hoping to get the blood circulating again, but there is no relief.

Right now, I am seriously thinking of designing a stamp that says: 'With love, Juliana Valdes' or 'Thanks for coming, Juliana Valdes'. Then I would just have to dip it in the ink and place it on the paper.

Ok... I know it is probably not the best idea and many of you may think that's have lost my humility over the years, it's not like I am a famous Hollywood actress. But until you have spent two hours, sitting in a chair, repetitively signing your signature thousands of times, you have no idea.

At the beginning the signature is perfect because it has been rehearsed so many times. But after an hour it becomes a scrawl like something on a prescription. And now... almost two hours later... it looks more like an indecipherable type of Egyptian hieroglyph that archaeologists would study.

Well, there is something I haven't lost over the years, my ability to exaggerate. And the truth is, I actually love it. And why hide it? The feeling of having all those people in front of me is a unique sensation. The people who come are always so enthusiastic, they want to give me hug, a kiss, take a photograph or are happy to leave with my doodle as a souvenir.

This book, for one reason or another reached their hands and hopefully their hearts. I can see it in their eyes when I look up and meet them with a smile. People of all ages, teenagers, adults, the elderly. Older or younger... it doesn't matter. They all come holding my story in their hands. A story that for some reason managed to capture them, in the same way that it conquered me five years ago.

\- "One more and you're done, Juliana." - I hear my editor's voice warning me from behind. I look up for a moment and am surprised to see many people still in line. I try to shoot him a questioning look. Despite wanting to order a mechanical arm, I don't like the idea of leaving all these readers without what they came for. But before my gaze reached Carlos, I was forced to stop abruptly on the person in front of me.

A girl of about fifteen, with light brown hair, an innocent smile and beautiful blue eyes, full of hope. She shyly offered me her copy of the novel with trembling hands, while I couldn't help but look at her fondly.

\- "You have very beautiful eyes." - the statement was expelled before my brain could stop it - "You remind me of someone."

\- "Her?" - she asked pointing to the book I had in my hands. I stared at the cover for a minute, as blue as the eyes in front of me, and ran my fingers across the letters that formed the title:

 ** _'I will fill_ _your_** **_days_** ** _with Li_** ** _fe'_ **

My attention snapped back to the blushing girl who was still waiting for an answer.

\- "Yes." - I accepted with a nostalgic sigh - 'Her." - the teenager gave me a shy smile and I continued to sign her copy.

_'Always keep the hope that your eyes express._  
_Juliana Valdes'_

I closed the cover and handed it to her, still smiling. - "Thank you." - Was the last thing she said before my editor broke in again.

\- "I am very sorry..." - he spoke aloud to the dozens of people who were still waiting anxiously - "But our time ended for today."

The multiple whispers and sounds of disappointment echoed through the room. And I was forced to intervene.

\- "Thank you all very much for coming. I'm sorry I don't have more time to sign every copy. But I promise that we will meet again soon. I thank each and every one of you who have read this story and are here today. I hope it has touched your heart. Finally, you are all invited to attend the press conference that will take place shortly. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to ask."

When I finished talking my editor was staring at me with a curious expression. Even though I always try to do my best for my fans, he is not used to my methods. My response was a smile followed by a shrug. To which he responded by rolling his eyes.

Journalists from all the different magazines and television channels in the country were attending the press conference today. They were all spread out in front of me, some with notebooks, ready to write and others with cameras, fully prepared to overwhelm me with their flashes. As you have gotten to know me throughout this story, you may have guessed, that this is the worst part of my profession. But... as they say, 'occupational hazards.'

\- "We can start!" - Carlos announced to everyone present. Immediately the flashes began to fire in my direction, while numerous arms were raised, eager to reserve their question time. Carlos, my already appointed editor, was in charge of directing the questions.

\- **"Good afternoon Juliana, 'New York Times'."** \- Said a voice in the distance.

_'The New York Times? I must be dreaming!'_

\- **"How did you feel when you realised the sudden success of your book?"**

_'Come on, your turn, Juls! Activate the automatic responses mode.'_

\- "Well, the truth is that I am very grateful and happy that this story has reached so many people."

\- **"From 'Magazine España'. Juliana, did you expect your novel to have such an impact?"**

\- "I didn't even stop to think about it if I'm honest... But it is certainly an honour."

\- **"If I'm not mistaken, this story happened five years ago. Why did you wait so long to publish it?"**

\- "Well... They have been five difficult years, everything has a process and a moment. And I believe this is the right moment."

\- **"We all know that this book is a true story, something that you yourself had to live through. The ending of the novel is very romantic and aspires to a fairy tale, but we are all aware that after that, things were not so pretty. Has the possibility of writing a second part been considered, a continuation that shows us what the true ending was really like?"**

\- "The essence of 'I will fill your days of life' is to tell a true story, about two girls who meet through fate and fall in love. Unfortunately, there is a great tragedy that they must learn to live with and I think this book is about that. It ended just as they decided that fear would not triumph over love. Whatever happened after that... will remain private forever."

\- **"Have you ever been worried about the repercussions of writing a story about two women, especially in a country that is not so open-minded?"**

\- "Why should I be afraid? The novel portrays a clear message to everyone who is interested and willing to read it. Whether the protagonists are women or men is the least important factor. If someone is not prepared to read a book like mine, then they will not buy the book and therefore the problem is solved."

\- **"A clear change is seen in Juliana, as the protagonist in the book and in you, the author, what do you think this is due to?"**

\- "Well, I think the change, or rather, the discovery of Juliana, began in the first pages of the story, when she saw those eyes full of life for the first time."

\- **"Is it possible to overcome something like this over time? To forget? To move on?"**

\- "Moving on is not an option but an obligation. I think that no one should try to forget something that at one time gave them so much happiness. If we try to embrace those memories, rather than burying them and hoping to forget, pain becomes our ally, and fills us with beautiful memories."

\- **"Do we understand that Valentina is still in your heart?"**

_My heart... My heart has just throbbed at the mere mention of her name and now it beats nervously as everyone eagerly awaits an answer._

\- "Of course... Valentina will always be in my heart."

\- **"Very good, let's finish!"** \- Interrupted Carlos, noticing my discomfort when the questions were directed towards the personal.

\- **"One more question, Juliana! What do you plan to do from now on? What are your next projects?"**

\- "I live day by day without planning it. If one morning I wake up wanting to do something, I just do it. Right now, I am focused on realising this novel in every part of the world that is willing to receive it. But... if the universe has other plans for me... I'm sure it will let me know."

\- **"Finally, are you aware that you have become an inspiration for many people. Thousands of adolescents have now read your story. Is there a message you would like to send them?"**

\- "I simply want to thank each person who has read this book, either because it came into their hands, because it was given to them or because it caught their attention in a bookstore, whatever the reason... I hope this story has reached your heart and made them laugh, cry, get angry... or feel any kind of emotion. If so, my goal is more than achieved.

I am a simple girl, who five years ago met someone who in a few days completely changed my life. I am not qualified to give advice. But someone taught me to live every moment as if there were no tomorrow. If I could impart some advice to my readers, it would be live every part of your life with intensity... If you kiss, do it slowly. If you laugh, laugh out loud. If you want to cry, cry until the tears run dry and if you love... do it with all your heart and shout it to the world, even if the world does not want to hear it. Never keep an I love you for pride and go out in search of your dreams... maybe one day you will board a train and find the love you always dreamed of."

With a grateful smile, I finished my speech, applause erupted in the room while flashes began to blind me.

Five minutes later, I find myself in the parking lot of the building, listening to my editor talk on the phone with a publisher I don't know, possibly from another country. I stand waiting for my editor to finish while some of the employees and others I don't even know, chat animatedly, believing that I am listening to what they are saying.

\- "Juliana!" - Said Carlos walking towards me. - "Ready to go?"

\- "I am completely ready to LEAVE!" - 'Ready to go' sounded like he expected me to go with him.

\- "What do you mean leave?" - He asked confused, pointing to his phone - "I have just arranged a meeting with a Spanish publisher, the book is thriving and they want to meet you now."

\- "Um, yeah..." - I hesitated, pretending that I was interested in the subject. - "Well, I think they're going to have to wait, because my workday ends right now."

My editor's eyes widened, his expression somewhere between fear and wanting to kill me.

\- "You can't do that, Juliana. It is unprofessional."

With a smile, I pressed the button on my key that automatically unlocked the car as I walked towards it. - "Say I had some important business to attend to!" - I sentenced opening the car door.

\- "You cannot go through life like this Juliana! You are missing a great opportunity!"

\- "I'll survive!" - I whispered as I started the engine and left the building for good. I laughed as I watched him in the rear-view mirror, imagining smoke billowing from his ears as I drove away.

I stopped briefly to buy twelve roses from my favourite florist before heading to my destination. I reached the main highway, a road I've travelled so often I could almost do it with my eyes closed.

Approximately ten minutes later, I found myself entering the already well-known cemetery in Mexico, it only took me a few minutes to find the headstone I was looking for. I stopped for a few seconds, reading the inscription while trying to gather some much-needed strength.

\- "Happy birthday." - I whispered as if she were really listening to me.

Suddenly, a gust of wind passed around me, caressing my face and lifting the dry leaves, that were scattered on the sandy ground, into the air. An automatic smile settled on my lips as I felt a calming presence give me the strength I was begging for.

I lifted the small vase that contained the almost withered flowers and emptied the contents before refilling the water and arranging the new roses. I sat on the grass enjoying the silence for a few minutes, staring at the roses in front of the headstone, while millions of memories invaded my mind.

\- "Here I am..." - I dared to say after a sigh, accompanied by a few more seconds of silence - "One more day... of these five years... How could you expect me to be anywhere else today? I couldn't miss it, could I? We have an unbreakable date!"

I smile when I hear my own words, while I feel the tears crystallize in my eyes - "I miss you a lot, you know?... I wish you were here... I wish you could see everything I have achieved... I wish I could share it with you so much. I know... I know I promised to be strong and carry on, but sometimes... Sometimes I would like to turn back time, to see you once... to hug you... and tell you how much I love you... I wouldn't let you go, I wouldn't allow you to leave." - My fingers reached out to trace the letters inscribed on the headstone, like I could caress her.

\- "You're fine, right? I mean... is everything going well up there? Are you taking care of me like you promised? Yes... I'm sure you have had a lot to do with some of the things that have happened to me." - I wipe the tears that run down my face and smile - "Thank you... Thank you for everything you did for me and for what you're still doing... Please... never leave me, okay?! Keep allowing me to feel you alive, in every detail, in every memory, inside me... just don't abandon me."

Suddenly, I feel arms around my chest, and I melt into the hug from behind. Her chin rests on my shoulder and the breeze carries the smell of her freshly washed hair. I will never tire of that smell.

\- "She is very proud of you." - She whispers in my ear, making every inch of my skin bristle, just like the first time.

I remain silent for a few seconds, while I close my eyes and cling tightly to her arms, enjoying her strength and warmth that envelops me. After so many years, she is the only one capable of making any sadness or fear disappear. As long as I am in her arms, there is nothing to fear, the world does not exist, I can face and defy any obstacle.

After a few silent minutes, with just the sound of her breathing to calm me, I turn around. She lifts her chin from my shoulder and gives me the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. My stomach begins to flutter nervously, exactly as it did five years ago, like a teenager who has just found the love of her life. And my heart... That, often mentioned muscle, cannot help but beat wildly as my gaze meets her blue eyes that instantly manage to disarm me.

\- "I missed you." - I managed to say after a few seconds while observing that smile that illuminates everything around her. She gently caresses my face, wiping away the tears that escaped.

\- "Me too, my love. But we've only been apart for three hours."

\- "Is that not enough?!" - I ask exaggerating - "In three hours you almost had to visit me in the madhouse!"

Her contagious laugh was heard all over the cemetery and my heart felt an immediate release... _'How is it possible that she has so much power over me?'_

\- "The book signing and press conference that bad?"

\- "No." - I accepted with a smile - "It was incredible! As usual! But Carlos... you know he is hard to get rid of. He tried to drag me to a meeting he had set up with some Spanish publisher."

\- "I would bet that my beautiful girlfriend, with her winning smile, left him standing there with smoke coming out of his ears!"

I looked at her narrowing my eyes for a moment, noticing the sparkle in her eyes, I couldn't help but laugh.

\- "Am I that predictable?"

\- "I just know you, honey. And you are a rebel."

\- "And why might that be?" - I challenge her.

\- "Oh no, no!" - she defended herself raising her hands - "I have nothing to do with that... You came from the factory like that!"

My mouth widened as did my eyes, I was about to respond when she caught my lips with a kiss which was more passionate than I had expected, like we really hadn't seen each other for days. It was just as intense as our first kiss on the train, when I finally accepted my uncontrollable desire for this beautiful woman, and who continues to make me feel this way today. We were forced to separate a few minutes later to catch our breath.

\- "Nice way to shut me up!" - I whisper with mock indignation.

\- "I have been many hours without kissing you!" - I smile in agreement as the wind blew a lock of hair onto her face and I gently I placed it behind her ear.

\- "How'd it go with your dad?"

\- "As always..." - she answered with a sigh of resignation. - "He is determined that I return to the firm."

\- "What do you want to do?"

\- "It's not my thing anymore, Juliana. Now that my physical strength has returned, I don't want to waste it on a job that I decided to leave. Besides, you already know how my dad is, he'll start with the law firm and then he'll want me to move home and try to make me forget all about you!"

\- "Okay, that isn't funny anymore!" - I said with a smile. - "Val... speaking of that... I wanted to talk to you about something..." - Her gaze remained expectant while observing my hesitation - "I've been thinking the last few weeks..."

Suddenly, she began to look anxiously around my head.

\- "What are you doing?" - I asked surprised.

\- "Making sure your brain is still intact... if you've been thinking for weeks it may have caused some serious damage."

\- "Funny!" - I said narrowing my eyes.

\- "But you love me!" - she said with a smirk and a wink.

Ok... her cockiness has the same effect now as it did years ago... or maybe more.

\- "Well, stop looking at me like that and tell me what you've been thinking."

\- "You will definitely never change!" - I roll my eyes as a satisfied smile adorns her face.

She placed a small kiss on my cheek with a smile of satisfaction, now portraying to be innocent... as if she were a little angel descended from heaven. That was the way she always tried to compensate after teasing or annoying me.

And... well yes, it worked! I know... I know! I've become a softie over the years! But who could resist that angel face?

\- "Anyway..." - I say while shaking my head slightly, trying to get my neurons to wake up. - "As I was saying... I've been thinking about an idea for a few weeks."

\- "What idea?" - This time she was serious and intrigued.

\- "Well... we have spent so much time between doctors and hospitals over the last five years... you have received many treatments and as you said before, it is only now that you can feel yourself physically stronger. Wouldn't you like to start working?"

\- "Do you want me to accept my dad's offer?"

\- "What? No, no!" - I rushed to correct - "Well, only if you want... What I meant is... Why don't you record an album?"

The idea, or the question, seemed to stun her like a bucket of cold water and seeing her shocked face, I quickly continued with my explanation.

\- "The book is selling wonderfully, we have enough money to hire experts and produce a really good album ourselves. We have composed many songs together over the last five years... think about it! It has always been your dream to dedicate yourself to music. What if now is the perfect time?"

Suddenly, I noticed a sparkle settle inside those blue eyes. A spark like a child who has just been told he is going to Disneyland.

\- "Bu... but my love... that money is yours... you know I spent my savings and..."

\- "Shh!" - I interrupted, covering her lips with my finger and frowning. - "First of all, what's mine is yours... And second, I remind you that you also helped write a large section of the book! Not to mention the fact, if it were not for you, there would be no book... Do I need to continue?"

\- "No, no, no... that's okay." - she agreed, smiling. - "I like..."

\- "Which bit did you like?"

\- "That everything yours is also mine and everything mine is also yours."

We were silent for a few seconds, staring at each other. Enjoying that moment in which we had the power to completely isolate ourselves from the world, the moment in which our eyes were the only refuge and we managed to stop time.

\- "Thank you!" - I said sincerely, - "For not giving up and teaching me not to give up."

\- "If there is anyone who must be grateful here, it is me... Because you have given me the happiest five years of my entire life, despite everything. Despite seeing me in bed, emaciated and without strength... you never left me alone. You picked me up when I wanted to fall and you filled me with life every second. How do you continue to have strength Juls? How? After everything we've been through."

\- "If I remember correctly, you once told me that I was your strength, didn't you?" - I asked, watching her nod in response. - "Well, you are also mine and you're not going to fall as long as I can get you up" - she caressed my face with affection and a strange expression in her eyes.

\- "The latest test results have arrived."

\- "What?!" - I asked surprised by the information - "How do you know?!"

\- "Because I had to go home before coming here, and there was a letter in the mailbox."

\- "And you are only telling me now?! What were the results?!"

\- "I don't know... I haven't opened it yet." - she admitted shyly.

\- "Why not?"

\- "Because I wanted you to be with me... I'm afraid Juls. I don't want to start it all over again."

\- "Hey..." - I raised her face slightly. - "Whatever that letter says, we're going to keep fighting Val. We know this is an eternal fight. If the tumour is still there... we will continue to face it, as we have up to now... And if not, we will continue fighting to make sure it doesn't return."

\- "Don't you ever get tired of fighting?"

\- "No. My reward is the love I see in your eyes. I will never tire of that."

Her eyes moistened, obviously feeling emotional, she kissed my hand as I caressed her face. I feel a smile take over me, creating confusion on her face.

\- "What are you smiling at?"

\- "Sorry." - I tried to apologise but unable to control my smile - "It's just that I have some very cheesy thoughts and I can't help but laugh."

\- "What cheesy thoughts are those, let's hear them?"

\- "It's just... Sometimes I find it hard to believe that you are so cute. Or that I like you so much... I don't know, but I must look silly staring at you Valentina, every gesture you make touches me. I could spend all day watching you, kissing you, hugging you... God!" - I yelled exaggeratedly - "What did you do to me?"

\- "Oh yeah?" - she asked with a seductive look dangerously close to my lips - "Do I just look cute?"

\- "N... no... no!" - I sputtered nervously at her closeness. - "Obviously, you are many other things to me."

\- "Sexy?" - she kissed my neck causing me to bristle from head to toe.

\- "Uh huh..."

\- "Sensual?" - she asked while her tongue swiped along my neck.

\- "That... too..."

\- "And what else?"

At this moment. And don't ask, because I can't remember exactly how she ended up straddling me, with her arms circling my neck and her lips so close to mine that I could feel her breathing, much calmer than mine, as I was beginning to despair.

\- "Bipolar... you also seem bipolar to me!" - I said getting a laugh from her.

\- "And why is that?"

\- "I am not the one who two minutes ago had the face of a slaughtered lamb and within a matter of seconds has become the big bad wolf!"

\- "Don't you like the big bad wolf?" - she asked getting closer and closer.

\- "I... I love it!"

Without giving me time to say another word, she brought our lips together passionately. Tangling her fingers in my hair to bring me as close to her as possible. I soon felt her tongue trying to break through and welcomed her. Our tongues played as I bit her lower lip in desperation. The temperature of the environment was increasing... I felt a desperate desire to make her mine right here, completely forgetting where I was.

I felt her hands reach under my shirt and caress my stomach.

\- "Val, Val!" - I tried to say with my breath catching.

\- "Huh?" - she asked without abandoning her task.

I wouldn't be able to resist if I waited another second, so before things escalated and I couldn't stop, I carefully separated her face from my neck, receiving a look of disapproval.

\- "I know you like danger, strange places, etc... But a cemetery has never been a sexual fantasy that I wanted to fulfil... And even less in front of my mother!"

For a moment, she looked around us, remembering immediately where we were. She directed her gaze towards me, revealing a slight blush on her cheeks.

\- "My mother-in-law must hate me for perverting her little girl!"

\- "I'm sure she adores you!" - I said with a reassuring smile. - "But yeah... let's go before she changes her mind!"

Before getting up, I received a light blow to the shoulder.

\- "Hey! It won't only be because you perverted her daughter, but also for hitting her... I think you may end up on the top of her blacklist!"

My smile increased when I watched her expression change and instant terror settling on her face.

\- "I'm just kidding!" - I said squeezing her cheeks like a baby.

\- "You scared me!" - She sentenced, frowning like a sulky child.

\- "I love you!"

The tone of that confession was higher than I had planned, accidently drawing the attention of other visitors of the cemetery. Many glances were now directed towards us.

\- I LOVE YOU!!" - I repeated louder.

\- "God... and you were calling me crazy!?"

\- "I LOVE YOU!!!"

\- "I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!"

Our laughter and shouts had been heard throughout the cemetery and an older man, who looked like a security guard, was now approaching us. We looked at each other for a moment and after grabbing her hand we ran like two schoolgirls who had just committed a prank... As you see, some things do not change.

\- "I love you mom!!" - was the last thing I shouted before leaving, while the other visitors observed us, probably thinking we were completely insane.

We got to the car breathless due to the race and the uncontrollable laughter.

\- "I don't know how you haven't gotten me arrested yet!" - I said as I sat in the driver's seat.

\- "Hey, this time you started it, huh!"

\- "I know... Valentina Carvajal, you are definitely a very bad influence!"

\- "Well, Juliana Valdes, this bad influence, is the cause of your happiness!"

\- "I can't deny that!" - I agreed with a lopsided smile.

Suddenly, her gaze drifted to nothing, opening wide as if she had remembered something.

\- "What's up?"

\- "You spend your life entertaining me, but we have to go home."

\- "Ah, do I entertain you?" - I asked with exaggerated surprise. - "Why do we have to go home?"

\- "You'll see when we get there! Start the car!"

\- "A surprise?!" - I said getting excited but mostly trying to annoy her.

\- "Juls!! Either you start the car or I'll drive!"

\- "Alright, alright!" - I accepted by inserting the key in the ignition - "Geez, how bossy you've become over the years!"

After another light tap to my shoulder, which I responded with gleeful smile, I started the car and we headed home to our apartment, where we have lived for the last five years.

Fifteen minutes later, I opened the door to our cosy apartment. I was used to the smell of coffee that pervaded our apartment and the radiant light that lit up the room as soon as I entered. But without a doubt, this time there was something different... The aroma of coffee had been replaced by a smell of... something strange, that I still can't decipher.

\- "Has something in the fridge expired?" - I asked confused.

\- "Umm..."

That was all she managed to say before a tiny fur ball appeared running and panting towards us. My astonished face must have been obvious, as she quickly scooped up the little pup and headed towards me, but I still hadn't processed what my eyes were seeing.

\- "Hello mommy!!" - She said with a baby voice, pretending to be the puppy - "I'm... I'm... Well, I still don't have a name, but I am your first child!"

\- "Are you serious?" - I asked still incredulous observing such an image.

\- "Do you not like me? I am very handsome!"

The little puppy seemed to appreciate her words by licking all over her face, while she hugged him like a stuffed animal.

Definitely... although I have not come out of the shock yet, this is the most beautiful image I have ever seen. Noticing my state of disbelief, Valentina brought the little pup closer and placed him in my arms before I even realised.

\- "It's a Siberian Husky!" - I said excitedly, stroking the ball of fur, who tried to give me kisses.

\- "Do you like him?"

\- "Do you know that I have always wanted a Husky?"

Her smile of satisfaction was almost as big as the happiness I felt right now, holding the playful little one in my arms while she looked at us like a proud mother.

\- "We have to give him a name!"

\- "Siber!" - I declared, as if I'd been pondering it for hours.

\- "Siber? Why Siber?"

\- "Because he is a beautiful Siberian Husky and because his moms met on a Siberian train."

She hesitated for a few seconds looking at the restless puppy, who was now trying to lick my ears.

\- "Siber." - she said with a smile while approaching us - "I like it!"

\- "Hi Siber." - I lifted the puppy so that he was in front of me and observed him carefully - "Welcome to our crazy family, where you will be cared for and given lots of love all the time... Hey mom..." - I approached Valentina - "Our son has your eyes!"

The little grey and white puppy had striking blue eyes almost as beautiful as his mother's... This was definitely the perfect family.

\- "We are a handsome family, aren't we little guy?" - she asked, cuddling the puppy as if it were a baby. Poor puppy.

\- "My love... I'm sorry to interrupt this beautiful family moment. But... don't we have something to open?"

Her gaze automatically changed from utter happiness to terrible fear. Very carefully, I set the puppy on the floor, who quickly ran off somewhere while I retrieved the letter from the worktop. I handed it to her with a reassuring smile and quickly pulled her into my arms, trying to transmit the necessary strength from my body to hers as we prepared ourselves to deal with the test results provided in the letter.

After a few seconds we separated and I stepped back a little to give her some space, but stopped when I noticed her trembling hands trying to open the envelope. She unfolded the first page and began to read aloud the doctor's instructions.

_"Miss Carvajal,_

_I enclose the results of the latest analyses carried out almost two months ago. I know that interpreting medical tests is somewhat complicated, so in this letter I will try to explain what your current situation is; You know well that we have spent many years, with radio treatments and chemotherapy, in addition to a few operations, trying to combat the complicated tumour that had settled in your brain._

_As we told you in the beginning, your tumour was not incurable, but the main problem was when we discovered it, the tumour was quite advanced and made operations more difficult._

_Valentina, first of all, I want to express my deep admiration for the fight that you have demonstrated in recent years. You are a clear example of improvement and perseverance in someone so young._

_Whatever happens and whatever the result... Never lose that life that characterises you. Now... let me inform you that..."_

She stopped reading for a moment and looked at me, her eyes were crystal clear and I felt she needed my presence. I didn't hesitate for a second to approach her and give her a little kiss on the lips, followed by a smile.

\- "Can you read it please?" - she asked handing me the letter.

I accepted the letter with one hand, and with the other I caressed her fingers that clung to me tightly. I sighed trying to eliminate the tension from my voice and searched among the words for the last phrase to continue...

_"Now... I would like to inform you that in the last analyses carried out two months ago... there was no trace of the tumour."_

At that moment, my insides unravelled, feeling the repressed oxygen finally reach my lungs as my eyes moistened with the emotion, almost preventing me from continuing to read. But I had to... I couldn't stop now.

_"Exactly Valentina, there is no trace of the tumour. But this does not mean that you are cured forever, we both know that there is always a possibility that cells could re-form. But I am happy to give you my sincere congratulations because you succeeded. Your great effort, struggle and perseverance have been rewarded. Now the only thing left is to continue fighting... Which you already know how to do perfectly._

_This is not a miracle Valentina, I did not do it, nor the treatments, or the operations... all of that simply helped. This has been achieved by you, with your will to live, with your love and your way of clinging to this life. Never stop._

_We will be in contact soon to give instructions and support. For now, I have nothing more to say to you, enjoy this news and your life._

_A cordial greeting."_

A deathly silence settled over the apartment when I finished reading the doctor's words. Valentina was staring at me. But as much as I tried to figure out what she wanted to express, it was impossible. She just stared at me, completely static, like she was in shock. Until some light tears began to run down her cheeks, proving she hadn't frozen.

\- "I'm cured Juls... I'm cured!"

The tears that I had been holding back for almost ten minutes, rebelled as soon as I heard her voice broken with emotion... I will never be able to explain the happiness I feel at this moment... Five years... five years fighting to add days to life of this beautiful girl. Five years of tears, hospitals, sadness, laughter, joy, adventures... Five years of fear and overcoming, of falling and getting up... Five years of authentic and pure life...

I felt her body rush into mine suddenly, making me wake up from my thoughts. I didn't hesitate for a second. I raised her body so her legs could hug my waist and we began to spin around the house, screaming and laughing, while the tears of emotion did not stop.

\- "We did it my love!" - she said pressing her forehead to mine, while I tried to catch my breath. - "We did it... so... now what?"

\- "Now we live exactly as we have done until today. Fighting against time... enjoying every day as if it were our last... loving you every minute. Because I love you Valentina. I love you and I'm never going to stop filling your days with life!"

\- "I love you!"

After crying with happiness and relief, we kissed. With passion and debauchery, with sweetness and tranquillity. With the intensity of the first and the love of the last.

As if there was nothing outside this apartment, as if time were no longer important.

But for us... time isn't important. From the moment our eyes met on that train, time was against us, but we made it our ally. We lived our life together believing that each day could be our last and it created an intense love like no other, an unbreakable struggle, an enviable friendship... What could possibly separate us now?

Surely, we will continue to live difficult moments, moments when we feel like we can no longer go on... But then, just by gazing into each other's eyes we will remember how fate put us together on that day, in that carriage, on that train... So, we would learn that everything happens for a reason. And together we could learn to live as we never lived and love as we never loved.

We will continue to fight... We will continue to dream... We will continue to believe.

Could anything that exists be powerful enough to end a love that has defeated even death itself?

No... Absolutely nothing can stop us from... **_filling our days with life._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
> 
> WE HAVE REACHED THE END OF THIS BEAUTIFUL STORY!! 😭
> 
> I hope a few of you have fallen in love with this story as much I did. Juls & Val are a couple that I could watch and read about forever.
> 
> I spent most of lockdown enjoying the many amazing stories on Ao3 and Wattpad and need to thank the amazing writers who have kept me entertained! 👏🏻  
> You are all awesome!
> 
> @dotdwizard 👠👠 on twitter and tumblr if you wanna say Hi!
> 
> Dot xo
> 
> ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜

**Author's Note:**

> Unfortunately most people don’t get the positive outcome that Valentina had in this story. Many people are hoping and praying for their own miracle and I hope they find it.
> 
> A friend of mine recently passed away as the result of a brain tumour. She was treated for around eighteen months but lost her fight shortly after her 40th birthday. This story will forever remind me of her, her loving husband and beautiful daughters. xx


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